[For a complete script, see: ""Family Guy" Through the Years" at the Transcripts Wiki]


Peter: For 60 years, Sunday has met God, Football, and Family Guy, and later, to a lesser degree, The Simpsons.

Chris: What's going on when a guy says a girl has a red scare in her Harry Truman?

Chris: Can we get a television set?
Peter: Sorry, Chris. We don't got the money. I spent our entire savings, building that fallout shelter we never get to use.
[An atomic explosion happens in the background, destroying the neighborhood]
Brian: Why don't you just buy a TV for the weekend, watch Elvis, and then return it on Monday and say it doesn't work.
Stewie: Boy even in the fifties, you're a scumbag.

[Cleveland and Donna see Elvis on TV for the first time]
Donna: [outraged] Elvis Presley is white!? Cleveland did you know about this?

Peter: TO THE MOON, LOIS!
Lois: To the moon? Wha ... what does that mean?
Peter: You know, to ... to the moon.
Lois: Okay, you're threatening to punch me so hard, I'm gonna fly to the moon? Like ... like it's funny to hit me so violently, my body will fly out of the atmosphere.
[Peter awkwardly pauses and looks at the camera]
Peter: Well, it's not funny anymore.

Meg: Mom, dad, Chris is gone. He went to Woodstock.
Lois: Now, Meg, nobody likes a snitch.
Meg: I'm not a snitch. I just tell it like it is.
Peter: Dammit, Meg!
[Mike Brady enters]
Mike Brady: Excuse me, Peter, maybe I should handle this.
Meg: Mr. Brady?
Mike Brady: You know, Meg, when you tattle on someone, you're not just telling on them, you're telling on yourself, and by tattling on someone, you're really just telling them, I'm a tattle tale. Now, is that the tale, you wanna tell?
Meg: I never thought of it that way.

[Peter arrives at Woodstock in the compact car]
Chris: Oh no, my dad!
Peter: [far offscreen] Chris!
Chris: He'll be here in 10 minutes! I gotta hide!

Peter: Drugs turn you into someone you're not. But you know what? We love you just how you are. That's why I'm so grateful I got here before you dropped acid or took any kind of drugs that ... you're ... you're tripping right now, aren't you?
Chris: A little.

[Peter flips through channels, ignoring the moon landing, the debut of The Beatles, and the assassination of JFK]
Peter: God, there's nothing on.
[Peter puts on Gilligan's Island]
Peter: There we go.

[Peter notices Stewie playing with a toy vacuum]
Peter: Lois, why is my son playing with a vacuum like a girl? Here, play with this discus and javelin. Then you can grow up like a man, like track and field star, Bruce Jenner, the greatest man in the world. Maybe, you'll even end up on a box of Wheaties.
[Stewie looks into the Bruce Jenner endorsed cereal box]
Stewie: Didn't these use to have nuts in them?

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