[For a complete script, see: "A Lot Going On Upstairs" at the Transcripts Wiki]

[Stewie gets benched with multiple other abandoned side characters]
Peter: Don't worry, we'll put you in soon.
Fouad: Oh-ho-ho! It's funny because you won't be back!

Brian: Alright Stewie, time to tackle your fears. Now, it sounds like you're scared of monsters, so to help you get over it, here's Frankenstein.
[Chris comes into the room, dressed as Frankenstein]
Chris: Ugh, I'm Frankenstein. I'm actually really nice. There's no need to be scared of me. Arrrrrgh!
Stewie: Seriously? This is obviously Chris in a costume.
Brian: Huh, well that can't be possible because here comes Chris walking in the door right now.
[Meg comes in the room, dressed as Chris]
Meg: Hey, hey, hey! Here comes Chris Griffin! A rootily toot toot!
Stewie: Yeah, okay, whatever Meg.
[Mayor West comes in the room, dressed as Meg]
Mayor West: Meg? You must be talking about me. A rootily toot toot!
[Stewie looks out the window and sees a long line of characters dressed as the people in front of them]
Stewie: [To Brian] Do they all say "A rootily toot toot?"
Brian: A lot of them, yeah.

Stewie: You and I will place these cranial impulse receptor caps on our heads, I shall begin my slumber and...
Brian: And then this thing will actually allow me to enter your dream?
Stewie: That's right, Brian. I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.
Stewie: Your job is to stop these nightmares by finding that monster and killing him. This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there, you've got to be hard.
Brian: Okay, but that felt intentional.

Stewie: [In the form of Elmo] Hi, Brian! Elmo speak bad English on educational show! Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Stewie and Brian come across some dancing, cartoon farm animals with genatalia]
Stewie: Aaaaaah! That one trip to the petting zoo really messed me up! I saw too much!

Student: Ha ha! Stewie's naked!
Stewie: What? [The other students laugh] Oh my God! Don't look! Don't look! Cell phones down! Cell phones down!

Lois: Damn it, Peter, are you guys playing lawn darts in the attic again?
Peter: No. Yay! Lawn darts! Peter wins lawn darts! She's dumb; she got no idea.

Tom Tucker: Adult stuff. Adult stuff. Adult stuff. The world is scary. Adult stuff. Adult stuff. Scary people yelling at another part of the world. Adult stuff.

Elmer Hartman: I would've been here sooner, but one of my legs is a snake that's very hungry for mice.

[After Brian throws a syringe at the monster]
Elmer Hartman: Nice shot. Get it? Shot? All right, bye!

Stewie: [To Brian] You've been more of a father figure to me than the Fat Man ever has been or ever will be. Look. I know I'm always busting your balls, but it's just because you're the only person in this house whose judgment actually matters to me.

Quagmire: I might need two weeks off from this friendship.

Stewie: [Sarcastic] Oh, I sure hope the dog approves of who I am. I'm outta here, weirdo. There's a wedding dress out here covered in shit.

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