[For the complete script, see: "A Shot in the Dark" at the Transcripts Wiki]

[Joe is taking small talk class]
Joe: It sure is cloudy today.
Joe's teacher: Good, you could have also responded to Janet, who said her son died.
Joe: I'm sorry your son died on such a cloudy day.

[Peter shoots a shadowy figure, which is then revealed to be Cleveland Jr.]
Peter: Cleveland Jr.?
Cleveland Jr. Mr. Griffin! You shot me!
Peter: Oh my God!
Lois Peter, where are you? Peter? Okay, I'm starting The Good Wife without you.
Peter: Phew, heh. Unlike you, I dodged a bullet.

[Dr. Hartman comes into the room with Cleveland Jr. and his parents]
Dr. Hartman: Okay, next is the Brown family...
[He notices that they heard him]
Dr. Hartman: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. Sometimes, I write descriptions of my patients to help me remember them.
Cleveland: No, it's okay. Our last name is Brown.
Dr. Hartman: Ah, okay. Phew. Oh, so this must be Chubster Dumb Dumb.

Donna: You wouldn't have fired that gun if he was white!
Peter: That's not true, I'll shoot anybody. Joe, give me your gun.
Joe: Here you go...hey wait a second!

Brian: I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are written on white paper.
Stewie: Yeah, white paper. Check your jacket pocket.
[Brian finds a note in his pocket and reads it]
Brian: "I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are written on white paper." Hey, look. I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't color blind.
Stewie: Check your other jacket pocket.
[Brian reads the other note]
Brian: "Hey, look I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't color blind." Stewie, you're a jerk!
Stewie: Check Chris' pocket.
[Brian sticks his hand in his pocket]
Brian: What? There's nothing in here and...Oh, God! The bottom of the pocket's been cut out!
Chris: Thanks, Brian. I was the mastermind behind this whole thing.

Brian: Boy, the world we live in, huh?
Chris: Brian, reach into Meg's pocket.
Meg: Go ahead, Brian.
Brian: I...I don't wanna.

Peter: Hey, how ya feeling there, champ?
Cleveland Jr.: I'm good. Getting better every day.
Peter: Oh, I'm happy to hear that. Look, I hope you know. I'm sorry.
Cleveland Jr.: Hey, these things happen.
Cleveland: That's my boy.
[Cleveland walks away]
Cleveland Jr.: Mr. Griffin?
Peter: Yeah?
Cleveland Jr.: Just so you know, I'm gunna be coming for yo ass.
Peter: What's that now?
Cleveland Jr. I'm saying it's on. You ever feel the cool steel of a switchblade, pressed against your temple? [Laughter] Hey, Mr. Griffin, I'm just kidding...or am I? You're gunna be wondering about that, ya fat bitch. See you later!

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