- [Brian enters the kitchen after a day on the job]
- Brian: [To Lois] Wow, what a day!
- Stewie: Please don't comment.
- Lois: [Ignoring Stewie] Oh, look at you. Did you get a job?
- Stewie: Bitch.
- Stewie: There's a rat trap in that cabinet ... with a foot in it ... and somewhere in this house, there's a footless rat.
- Quagmire: Ladies, this is your pilot speaking. I am in the full, upright, and locked position.
- [The Who Else But Quagmire Guy comes up]
- Peter: Oh, hey, it's that guy! Are you gonna say, Who else but Quagmire?
- Who Else But Quagmire Guy: Uh, no, I, uh, wanted to know if Quagmire was available tomorrow evening.
- Peter: Are you ... Are you gay?
- Who Else But Quagmire Guy: Uh, of course not, but I'm unable to properly have sex with my wife so I figured, you know, who else but Quagmire?
- Peter: Hey, awesome cameo.
- [Brian is working at Mega Hardware, ignoring all of his customers]
- Customer: Can you tell me where I can find extension cords?
- Brian: Aisle 25.
- Customer: I was just there.
- Brian: 26.
- Customer: There is no 26.
- Brian: 15.
- [Meg is playing the cello for her music recital and Peter's phone rings]
- Peter: [offscreen] Hello? Hey Quagmire, what's going on? Oh, you need a ride? Yeah, sure, I can come get you. I'm not doing anything.
- [Peter leaves and the lights go out]
- Janitor: Meg, that was the last guy, so just lock up when you're done.
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