[For the complete script, see: "And I'm Joyce Kinney" at the Transcripts Wiki]

Tom Tucker: Holy shit that just turned out, awful. Joyce, do your thing.
Joyce Kinney: Thanks, Tom. Pornography, the very word congers up the images and red light districts, unprotected sex, and of course, the turn of the century pornograph machine.
[cut to the pornograph machine]
Early pornographer: Whoahoho, Sweet Mary!
[cut back to Joyce]
Joyce Kinney: But it seems pornography has found our way to it's neighborhood. Yes, local housewife and church organist Lois Griffin has revealed to this reporter that she appeared in a pornographic movie back in the early 1980s.

Lois: I thought girlfriends were supposed to support each other!
[Bonnie enters the house]
Bonnie: Ha, slut!

Quahog Pastor: You are no longer welcome here, Lois Griffin!
Lois: But Father, I've been an active member of this church for...
Quahog Pastor: Leave this house of God!
Lois: But I love the church. It's an important thing of my life.
Quahog Pastor: Maybe you should've thought of that before you made a porn.
Lois: But father, I didn't mea...wait, did you say a porn?
Quahog Pastor: Yes.
Lois: Oh. Well, that's kind of weird.
Quahog Pastor: What?
Lois: Well, I mean you gotta say you made porn or you made a porno. You don't say "made a porn," it hits the ear wrong.
Quahog Pastor: Oh, God, have I been saying it wrong this whole time?

Quahog Pastor: I know I'm a man of God, but that shit is hot!

[Peter is trying to comfort Lois who's been shunned by Quahog]
Lois: Peter, that's very sweet, but how am I supposed to live in this town when I'm a social pariah?
Peter: What's that? Is that them little fish that eat cows?

Lois: My God! That little pole smoker's a fucking genius.

Lois: Oh, my God! I thought we were friends! The kind of really good friends that communicate with each other poorly through Facebook!

Peter: What does it matter what those people in church think? Most of them are just random background people we never seen before anyways. Half of them don't even move. The other half just blink.

Stewie: Good lord! Am I a... porn baby?!

[Peter is driving down the street in the car, waving at Lois]
Peter: Okay Lois bye, bye church, bye church guy, bye unending conversation, bye terrible church people, bye!

Lois: No, you're a lady big shot...like Miss Piggy.

Lois: Who did Jesus hang around? Mary Magdalene. Who was she? A prostitute. Which means if they had cameras back then, I bet she would've done a porno.

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