Family Guy Wiki

[For the complete script, see: "And the Wiener is..." at the Transcripts Wiki]

Meg: Hey everybody, guess what I am?
Stewie: The end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?

Brian: So, Meg. Heard you made flag girl.
Stewie: Flag girl? Ummmm, yes good for you...Now you can be someplace else when the boys don't call!

Joe: Face it, Peter. Sooner or later your gonna have to pass the torch. I remember the first time Kevin beat me. I was so proud of him. I gave him a little congratulatory punch in the arm. And then another. And then everything got a little hazy. Kevin went to live with a foster family for a while.

Chris: [to the bear] Go away! Go on! Get! Stay tuned for an all-new Ally McBeal!

Announcer: Remember, guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do.

Lois: See Meg, I'm like one of those bald eagles you see on the Discovery Channel. Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my chicks and I'll use my razor sharp talons to rip your <DING!> eyes out. Cookies are done! Who wants chocolate chip?
Stewie: Oh! Oh! I do. But keep talking. All this talk about eye gouging has gotten me all frisky. Seriously, I've got about a half a pack of Rolaids in my diaper.

Peter: [after all the dinner utensils have fallen on him] Lois, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung".
Lois: Why?
Peter: Time's a factor, Lois.

Chris: You know, Dad, I just realized something. Your name's Peter.
Peter: You're right, it is. [laughs] Peter.

Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: Sixteen.
Quagmire: Eighteen! You're first!
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is going. Giggity, giggity, gi-ggi-ty!

Previous Episode's Quotes /// And the Wiener is...'s Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes