- Tom Tucker: Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Tonight the conclusion of our three part report on beastiality at the aquarium. But first our top story: A local boy dies after playing video games for 51 hours straight. He was playing Halo, now he has a halo. Just kidding, he was gay.
- [Peter gives Chris the sex talk]
- Peter: IT'S AWESOME!
- Lois: Peter, wake up. I need to know if I can delete your iCarlys from the DVR.
- [Chris receives a steamy goodbye kiss from Pam at a restaurant in front of the lobster tank]
- Lobster: Hey, Chris...these [clacks its claws] on her nipples. Ha, ha, ha.
- Chris: [To a passing waiter] Kill that one.
- [Peter tries to convince Jerome to let Pam date a white person]
- Peter: Look, I think if you got to know us better, you wouldn't have any problem with your daughter dating one of us.
- Quagmire: [off camera] I'll date her.
- Peter: I'm great at finding stuff. Last night, I found Lois' g-spot.
- Lois: [off camera] No, he didn't!
- Peter: I didn't know she was home. I was able to please her in other ways, though.
- Lois: [off screen] No!
- Jerome: Peter, you seem like a nice guy. I don't mind having you in my bar man, but it's different when it's your baby girl.
- Peter: I guess...I just have boys.
- Peter: [to Jerome] It takes a man with a crazy-big hog to admit when he's wrong.
- Peter: [after tipping Jerome's car over] I'm too fat to be in the car by myself.
- Peter: Lesbians have regular carpets too, you pervs.
- [Joe pictures Quagmire and Peter as pizza toppings]
- Quagmire: Pizza pizza!
- Peter: Peter Peter!
- Peter: [as a decapitated head from Lord of the Flies] I took one step outside the resort.
- Peter: [to Chris] I figured the day you came home with a girl, we'd have to back her through the garage.
- [cut to Peter in the garage guiding a fat girl]
- Peter: A little further, a little further, a little further, whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now do you prefer Fatty or Mrs. Boombalady?
- Peter: [to Jerome] That's right, you banged my wife.
- Stewie: He did? No wonder I had so room in there. Her womb was like one of those places where they reconstruct crashed airplanes.
- Quagmire: You guys are gonna lose. It's been 62 hours. Joe, you're about to drop, and Peter, you've been hallucinating all night.
- Peter: Yeah, whatever Quagmire, I've gotta go to the bathroom. Where's your toilet?
- [Peter pictures Quagmire as a toilet]
- Quagmire: Right here, Peter.
- Peter: Better cover the seat. Ah, JK, I'm not fancy.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Baby Got Black's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 11 | Family Guy Season 12 | Season 13 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | Finders Keepers | #08 | Christmas Guy | #15 | Secondhand Spoke | ||||||
| #02 | Vestigial Peter | #09 | Peter Problems | #16 | Herpe, the Love Sore | ||||||
| #03 | Quagmire's Quagmire | #10 | Grimm Job | #17 | The Most Interesting Man in the World | ||||||
| #04 | A Fistful of Meg | #11 | Brian's a Bad Father | #18 | Baby Got Black | ||||||
| #05 | Boopa-Dee Bappa-Dee | #12 | Mom's the Word | #19 | Meg Stinks! | ||||||
| #06 | Life of Brian | #13 | 3 Acts of God | #20 | He's Bla-ack! | ||||||
| #07 | In Harmony's Way | #14 | Fresh Heir | #21 | Chap Stewie | ||||||