Babysitting is a Bum Deal
Family Guy - Live In Las Vegas.jpg
From the episode: Family Guy: Live in Vegas
Singers: Stewie, Haylie Duff, with Walter Murphy & His Orchestra
Voices: Seth MacFarlane, Haylie Duff, with Walter Murphy & His Orchestra

Babysitting is a Bum Deal is a song performed by Stewie Griffin and Haylie Duff. It is Duff's complaint about babysitting Stewie. It is track 3 from Family Guy: Live in Vegas.


Chorus: ♪ Here is a tale of a babysitting job. ♪

♪ The baby is something of a snob. ♪

Stewie: Oh, go fuck yourselves!

Chorus: ♪ So listen very closely and you’ll find ♪

♪ That what they say is not the same as what’s on their mind. ♪

Haylie: ♪ Aren’t you a cute little boy! ♪

Look at that melon-shaped head.

Stewie: ♪ Having you here is a joy. ♪

And in an hour, you’ll be dead!

Haylie: ♪ Sit on my knee. ♪

Please don’t go poo!

Stewie: ♪ Nice place to be. ♪

This one’s for you.

Both: ♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪

Haylie: ♪ Why don’t we watch "Will and Grace"? ♪

Jesus, do I need a smoke.

Stewie: ♪ Jack puts a smile on my face. ♪

Oh, what a surprise, a gay joke.

Haylie: ♪ I like your house. ♪

The ceiling has cracks.

Stewie: ♪ I like your blouse. ♪

Miss T J Maxx

Both: ♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪

Chorus: ♪ And so they sat as time went by. ♪

Haylie: ♪ As slowly as time could go. ♪

Chorus: ♪ The baby glared and softly cursed. ♪

Stewie: ♪ Cause her lips and her skirt and her shoes and her hair made her look like a ho. ♪

Haylie: ♪ Time for your bottle, my sweet. ♪

This little brat smells like piss.

Stewie: ♪ Always a succulent treat. ♪

While I suck that, you suck this!

Haylie: ♪ Aren’t you a sight? ♪

Look at him drool.

Stewie: ♪ You’re a delight. ♪

Damn you, you fool!

Both: ♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪

Chorus: ♪ The diaper change was quite a job. ♪

Haylie: ♪ The grossest I’ve ever seen. ♪

Chorus: ♪ The baby smiled and took a breath. ♪

Stewie: ♪ And I grunted and pooped out a poop that looked something like Matthew Modine. ♪

Haylie: ♪ Someday you might meet a girl. ♪

Yeah, she’s gonna be your right hand.

Stewie: ♪ Maybe it’s you, my sweet pearl. ♪

Darling, I’d rather fuck sand.

Haylie: ♪ Have a good night! ♪

You little creep.

Stewie: ♪ Have a good night. ♪

Die in your sleep!

Both: ♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪

♪ Babysitting is a bum deal. ♪

Haylie: So, you see, you got a really messed up kid here. I’d suggest you get him some help before it’s too late.

Stewie: Gutter snipe!

Haylie: Freak! I’m out of here.

Lois: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Haylie Duff.

Brian: Well, nobody likes a bum deal. You know what I’m talking about. The feeling when you get passed over for that promotion you thought you deserved, or when you find out your old high school girlfriend who you never quite got over is about to marry someone else, or when you’re humping a leg for eight minutes before you realize there’s no entry point. But you know what? You and I have both got a friend who’s always there to lift our spirits...

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