- [Following a tricycle-Big Wheel accident]
- Boy: We should probably exchange numbers.
- Stewie: Ok, I'm a ten, you're a four.
- Tom Tucker: Coming up: Local newsman shows a camera operator how to center a shot.
- Mosquito: Hi, I'm the new nurse.
- Lois: Get outta here! This blood's not for you!
- Mosquito: Aww. Oh look, an empty tire with some water in it. All right, I'm happy again.
- Narrator: TV, that thing you used to watch.
- Peter: Aagh! Aagh! Sex! Sex!
- Lois: Peter, your arms are turning purple.
- Peter: Purple with success. That's the color of money.
- [Peter smacks a woman]
- Lois: That was the right thing to do, Peter.
- Joe: That was an unearned giggity, Quagmire.
- Quagmire: I said "up". No?
- Joe: No.
- Cleveland: No.
- Brian: Stewie, what are you doing?
- Stewie: Being awesome.
- Stewie: Ah crap. I should've known something was up when I saw all those cars out front.
- Brian: I have to go to Chris' room. We're doing a masturbation intervention. I got a buncha his friends sitting in a circle in there... oh dear God!
- Cookie Monster: Me love Cookie! Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom!
- Dr. Hartman: Yes, I'd like a chocolate chip cookie.
- Mrs. Hartman: Elmer!
- Dr. Hartman: What, Mom? You promised I could get a cookie if I finished all my surgery.
- Mrs. Hartman: Did you?
- Dr. Hartman: ...yeah...
- Mrs. Hartman: All of it?
- Dr. Hartman: ...uh...
- Mrs. Hartman: Get back there!
- Dr. Hartman: I'm gonna do it! What does it matter when I do it?
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Baking Bad's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 12 | Family Guy Season 13 | Season 14 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | The Simpsons Guy | #07 | Stewie, Chris & Brian's Excellent Adventure | #13 | Dr. C & The Women | ||||||
| #02 | The Book of Joe | #08 | Our Idiot Brian | #14 | #JOLO | ||||||
| #03 | Baking Bad | #09 | This Little Piggy | #15 | Once Bitten | ||||||
| #04 | Brian the Closer | #10 | Quagmire's Mom | #16 | Roasted Guy | ||||||
| #05 | Turkey Guys | #11 | Encyclopedia Griffin | #17 | Fighting Irish | ||||||
| #06 | The 2000-Year-Old Virgin | #12 | Stewie Is Enceinte | #18 | Take My Wife |
| |||||