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− | |title=Blue |
+ | |title = Blue Harvest |
− | | |
+ | |prev_ep = Meet the Quagmires |
− | |next_ep=Movin' Out (Brian's Song) |
+ | |next_ep = Movin' Out (Brian's Song) |
+ | |contents = ''[For the complete script, see: "[https://transcripts.fandom.com/wiki/Blue_Harvest Blue Harvest]" at the Transcripts Wiki]'' |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''Commentator 1''': And Mickelson here trying to save par. And there's Mickelson's wife. ''[camera zooms in on her]'' God is she hot. |
:'''Commentator 1''': And Mickelson here trying to save par. And there's Mickelson's wife. ''[camera zooms in on her]'' God is she hot. |
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:'''Commentator 2''': Look at that rack. There's a downhill lie for you. |
:'''Commentator 2''': Look at that rack. There's a downhill lie for you. |
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:'''Commentator 1''': Oh, they're just out there, begging to be touched. Pleading. How many golf balls you think she can fit in her mouth? |
:'''Commentator 1''': Oh, they're just out there, begging to be touched. Pleading. How many golf balls you think she can fit in her mouth? |
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:'''Commentator 2''': I'd hit that one in the rough, if you know what I'm saying. |
:'''Commentator 2''': I'd hit that one in the rough, if you know what I'm saying. |
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− | :'''Commentator 1''': Who are you kidding, Greg? You'd |
+ | :'''Commentator 1''': Who are you kidding, Greg? You'd pork her for a week and then get tired of her. |
:'''Greg''': Yeah, you're right. That's what I do. That's my thing. But a hell of a week, though. |
:'''Greg''': Yeah, you're right. That's what I do. That's my thing. But a hell of a week, though. |
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− | :'''Commentator 1''': Hell of a week. |
+ | :'''Commentator 1''': Hell of a week. |
+ | ---- |
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: |
: |
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− | : |
+ | :There's cool space battles, and the bad guy is the good guy's dad, but you don't find that out 'til the next episode. |
: |
: |
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− | : |
+ | :And this hot chick is really the sister of the good guy, but they don't know it, and they kiss. Which is kind of messed up. I mean, what if they had done it instead of just kissed? |
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: |
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− | : |
+ | :Angelina Jolie kissed her brother. Yeah, she did. You know it, I know it, and her dad knows it. That's why they hardly ever talk anymore. You can run away to Africa, but you can't run away from the truth. |
: |
: |
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− | : |
+ | :Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: when this is over, go out and rent the movie "Gia". She's way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late night on HBO after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest... |
: |
: |
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− | : |
+ | :Princess Leia was coming back from buying space groceries when this happened... |
+ | ---- |
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− | <hr width=50%/> |
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:''[the spaceship is being fired at and we see C-3PO (Quagmire) and R2-D2 (Cleveland) getting jostled around from the impacts]'' |
:''[the spaceship is being fired at and we see C-3PO (Quagmire) and R2-D2 (Cleveland) getting jostled around from the impacts]'' |
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:'''C-3PO (Quagmire)''': Ya hear that? It sounds like we're being boarded from the rear. And not the Hey-take-a-deep-breath-let's-experiment kind of boarding from the rear. |
:'''C-3PO (Quagmire)''': Ya hear that? It sounds like we're being boarded from the rear. And not the Hey-take-a-deep-breath-let's-experiment kind of boarding from the rear. |
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+ | ---- |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': ''[recording her message on R2-D2]'' Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. you're my only hope. All right, now what do I click? |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': ''[recording her message on R2-D2]'' Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. you're my only hope. All right, now what do I click? |
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− | :'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Click "Preferences". |
+ | :'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Click "Preferences". |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Okay, I clicked "Preferences". |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Okay, I clicked "Preferences". |
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− | :'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Now go to "Default Media Browser". |
+ | :'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Now go to "Default Media Browser". |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Okay. There's a little hourglass and it's-it's not letting me do anything. It-it says "Buffering", what is that? |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Okay. There's a little hourglass and it's-it's not letting me do anything. It-it says "Buffering", what is that? |
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:'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Just give it a minute. |
:'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Just give it a minute. |
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:'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute. |
:'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute. |
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:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Okay, relax. |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Okay, relax. |
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− | :'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Now click, "Import Video File". |
+ | :'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': Now click, "Import Video File". |
− | :'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': All right. |
+ | :'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': All right. It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7. |
:'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself. |
:'''R2-D2 (Cleveland)''': You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself. |
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+ | ---- |
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− | <hr width=50%/> |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''Soldier 2''': Hold your fire, there's no lifeforms aboard. |
:'''Soldier 2''': Hold your fire, there's no lifeforms aboard. |
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:'''Terry''': Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now? |
:'''Terry''': Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now? |
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:'''Soldier 2''': You don't do the budget Terry, I do. |
:'''Soldier 2''': You don't do the budget Terry, I do. |
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+ | ---- |
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− | <hr width=50%/> |
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− | :''' |
+ | :'''Darth Harrington''': Hi! I'm Darth Harrington of Darth Harrington's Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids Emporium and Moon Base. Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am currently overstocked on all Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids, and I am passing the savings onto yoooou! |
+ | ---- |
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⚫ | :''' |
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+ | :'''Italian 1''': ''[yelling at Beru]'' Hey! Shuddupa with the noise-a! |
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+ | :'''Italian 2''': Hey! Shuddupa with the shuddupa! |
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− | |||
+ | :'''Italian 3''': You shuddupa with the shuddupa! |
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+ | :'''Italian 4''': Shuddupa your face! Now mya dogga won't shuddupa! |
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+ | :'''Italian 5''': Why you no shuddupa? |
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+ | :'''Italian 6''': I make-a you shuddupa! |
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+ | :'''Italian 7''': You too, shuddupa! |
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+ | :'''Italian 8''': Hey! I poke out my head! |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''C-3PO (Quagmire)''': You kill small animals for fun?! That's the first indication of a serial killer, you freak! |
:'''C-3PO (Quagmire)''': You kill small animals for fun?! That's the first indication of a serial killer, you freak! |
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− | :'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': There's two suns and no women! What am I |
+ | :'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': There's two suns and no women! What the hell am I supposed to do?! |
+ | ---- |
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− | <hr width=50%/> |
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+ | :'''C3PO''': Master Luke, he's gone, he's gone! |
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+ | :'''C3PO''': R2, he took off in the middle of the night, we gotta find him. |
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+ | :'''Luke''': ''[throws down his wrench]'' Oh, what the ''Phantom Menace'' is that guys problem? |
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+ | ---- |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert)''': Hi. My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship to take us to Alderaan, and I'm willing to pay big money. |
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert)''': Hi. My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship to take us to Alderaan, and I'm willing to pay big money. |
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:'''Han Solo (Peter)''': Well, you've come to the right place. I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie. |
:'''Han Solo (Peter)''': Well, you've come to the right place. I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie. |
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:'''Han Solo (Peter)''': Are you kiddin'? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. |
:'''Han Solo (Peter)''': Are you kiddin'? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. |
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:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Um, isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time? |
:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Um, isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time? |
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− | :'''Han Solo (Peter)''': |
+ | :'''Han Solo (Peter)''': Chewie, take these guys to the ship and get her ready. |
− | :'''Chewbacca (Brian)''': ''[makes Chewbacca's trademark gargling roar for a second, then spits out water in a nearby sink]'' Always gargle before a take-off. Wocka-wocka! |
+ | :'''Chewbacca (Brian)''': ''[makes Chewbacca's trademark gargling roar for a second, then spits out water in a nearby sink]'' Always gargle before a take-off. Wocka-wocka! Alright, let's go. |
+ | ---- |
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:''[Luke goes to rescue Princess Leia in her cell, dressed as a storm trooper'' |
:''[Luke goes to rescue Princess Leia in her cell, dressed as a storm trooper'' |
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:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Aren't you a little fat to be a storm trooper? |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Aren't you a little fat to be a storm trooper? |
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− | :'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch. |
+ | :'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch. |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Wait! Who are you? |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Wait! Who are you? |
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:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': ''[takes his helmet off]'' I'm Luke Skywalker. Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you. |
:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': ''[takes his helmet off]'' I'm Luke Skywalker. Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you. |
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:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi? |
:'''Princess Leia (Lois)''': Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi? |
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:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Yeah. Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh? |
:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Yeah. Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh? |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''Storm Trooper''': Hey, did you hear something? |
:'''Storm Trooper''': Hey, did you hear something? |
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− | :''' |
+ | :'''Storm Trooper (RJ)''': Probably just another drill. You know that last drill we had? I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, and then we heard that there was this drill, and she told me there was no way. |
+ | ---- |
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+ | :'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert)''': Uh-oh. |
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− | :''' |
+ | :'''Darth Vader (Stewie)''': Your powers are weak, old man. |
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− | :'''Darth Vader (Stewie)''': You're powers are weak, old man. ''[they start fighting; Obi-Wan is still using the flaccid saber]'' |
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:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert)''': Boy, you got here just in time! |
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert)''': Boy, you got here just in time! |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': They're coming too fast! |
:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': They're coming too fast! |
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− | :'''Han Solo (Peter)''': ''[under his breath]'' |
+ | :'''Han Solo (Peter)''': ''[under his breath]'' A nickel for every time I've had that problem. Just keep shooting, Luke! |
+ | ---- |
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+ | ---- |
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+ | ---- |
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+ | :'''Luke (Chris)''': ''[during the escape from the Death Star]'' Han! |
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+ | :'''Han (Peter)''': What? |
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+ | :'''Luke''': Why do they call them TIE fighters? |
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+ | :'''Han''': No idea. |
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+ | ---- |
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:'''Red Leader''': All wings check in. |
:'''Red Leader''': All wings check in. |
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:'''Red 3''': Red 3 standing by. |
:'''Red 3''': Red 3 standing by. |
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:'''Red 6''': Red 6 standing by. |
:'''Red 6''': Red 6 standing by. |
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:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Red 5 standing by |
:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Red 5 standing by |
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− | :'''Red Buttons''': Red Buttons standing by. |
+ | :'''[[Red Buttons]]''': Red Buttons standing by. |
− | :'''Redd Foxx''': Redd Foxx standing by. |
+ | :'''[[Redd Foxx]]''': Redd Foxx standing by. |
− | :'''Big Red''': Big Red standing by. |
+ | :'''Big Red Gum''': Big Red standing by. |
− | :''[camera |
+ | :''[camera zooms out to show a Russian submarine floating with the squad of X-Wings]'' |
− | :'''Red October''': [in Sean Connery's voice] Red October standing by. |
+ | :'''Red October''': ''[in Sean Connery's voice]'' Red October standing by. |
− | :'''Helen Reddy''': Helen Reddy standing by. |
+ | :'''[[Helen Reddy]]''': Helen Reddy standing by. |
− | :'''Simply Red''': |
+ | :'''[[Simply Red]] (Mick Hucknall)''': ''[Entire band is in one X-Wing cockpit]'' Simply Red standing by. |
+ | ---- |
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+ | :'''Porkins''': Uh, I'm havin' a little trouble here. |
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+ | ---- |
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− | :'''Porkins''': Uh, im havin' a little trouble here. [''camera pans out to reveal that most of he's body is actually outside of the X-Wing and not inside it, which proceeds to grind against the Death Star surface before exploding''] |
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− | <hr width=50%/> |
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:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert) [spirit]''': Use The Force, Luke. |
:'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert) [spirit]''': Use The Force, Luke. |
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:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Obi-Wan? |
:'''Luke Skywalker (Chris)''': Obi-Wan? |
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− | :'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert) [spirit]''': Yeah, it's me. Use The Force. Force that thing in there. Just like I showed you with those puppets. But don't tell nobody 'cause you'll get in trouble |
+ | :'''Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert) [spirit]''': Yeah, it's me. Use The Force. Force that thing in there. Just like I showed you with those puppets. But don't tell nobody 'cause you'll get in trouble! |
+ | ---- |
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+ | ---- |
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− | |||
+ | :'''All''': Eeyyy! |
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− | <hr width=50%/> |
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+ | :'''Chris''': Yeah, but didn't ''[[Robot Chicken]]'' already do this three months ago? |
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− | :'''Chris |
+ | :'''Chris''': Well, I don't know, Dad. I think a decent number of people watch it. |
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− | :'''Chris |
+ | :'''Chris''': I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, and the ''Star Wars'' episode doubled that audience. |
+ | :'''Peter''': Well, yeah, but double ten people is, like, twenty people, so, I mean, what kind of numbers are we talking about here, you know? |
||
⚫ | |||
− | :'''Chris |
+ | :'''Chris''': Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show, and they beat you to the punch. |
− | :'''Peter |
+ | :'''Peter''': Uh, I-I don't know about that, Chris. I mean, to me a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, you know, one of the real networks. |
− | :'''Chris |
+ | :'''Chris''': ''[chuckles]'' I don't know about that, Dad. |
− | :'''Peter |
+ | :'''Peter''': And-and besides, what's up with that 15-minute run time? Wh-what is that? It's like 15 minutes of guys playing with ''Star Wars'' dolls. Oh, yay, yay, tune me in to that. |
− | :'''Chris |
+ | :'''Chris''': Ohhhh, so you do know the show? |
⚫ | |||
− | :'''Peter Griffin''': And-and besides, what's up with that 15-minute run time? Wh-what is that? It's like 15 minutes of guys playing with "Star Wars" dolls. Oh, yay, yay, tune me in to that. |
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− | :'''Chris |
+ | :'''Chris''' : You know, Dad, you're a real jerk! ''[leaves]'' |
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+ | ---- |
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− | :'''Chris Griffin''' ''[stands up; about to cry]'': You know, Dad, you're a real jerk! ''[leaves]'' |
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+ | :'''Chewbacca (Brian)''': Grrrrrr! |
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+ | :'''Screaming Black Droid''': Holy smokes!/Holy shit! |
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− | |||
+ | ---- |
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− | <hr width=50%/> |
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+ | :'''Cantina Band flautist''': Thank you, we're the Cantina Band. If you have any requests, shout 'em out. "Play that same song!" Alright, same song, here we go! |
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}} |
}} |
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− | |||
{{Season6Nav}} |
{{Season6Nav}} |
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+ | [[Category:Episodes]] |
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+ | [[Category:Season 6]] |
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+ | [[Category:Star Wars episodes]] |
Revision as of 14:51, 25 May 2020
[For the complete script, see: "Blue Harvest" at the Transcripts Wiki]
- Announcer: We now return to Sunday Golf on CBS. [We see a golfer on the green trying to putt]
- Commentator 1: And Mickelson here trying to save par. And there's Mickelson's wife. [camera zooms in on her] God is she hot.
- Commentator 2: Look at that rack. There's a downhill lie for you.
- Commentator 1: Oh, they're just out there, begging to be touched. Pleading. How many golf balls you think she can fit in her mouth?
- Commentator 2: I'd hit that one in the rough, if you know what I'm saying.
- Commentator 1: Who are you kidding, Greg? You'd pork her for a week and then get tired of her.
- Greg: Yeah, you're right. That's what I do. That's my thing. But a hell of a week, though.
- Commentator 1: Hell of a week.
- [Opening Dialog for "Family Guy Episode IV: A New Hope"]
- It is a time of civil war and renegade paragraphs flying through space.
- There's cool space battles, and the bad guy is the good guy's dad, but you don't find that out 'til the next episode.
- And this hot chick is really the sister of the good guy, but they don't know it, and they kiss. Which is kind of messed up. I mean, what if they had done it instead of just kissed?
- Angelina Jolie kissed her brother. Yeah, she did. You know it, I know it, and her dad knows it. That's why they hardly ever talk anymore. You can run away to Africa, but you can't run away from the truth.
- Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: when this is over, go out and rent the movie "Gia". She's way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late night on HBO after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest...
- Princess Leia was coming back from buying space groceries when this happened...
- [the spaceship is being fired at and we see C-3PO (Quagmire) and R2-D2 (Cleveland) getting jostled around from the impacts]
- C-3PO (Quagmire): Ya hear that? It sounds like we're being boarded from the rear. And not the Hey-take-a-deep-breath-let's-experiment kind of boarding from the rear.
- [All the soldiers situate themselves in the hallway with their guns pointed at the door, waiting for the Stormtroopers to enter]
- Soldier 1: What if they come in a different door?
- Princess Leia (Lois): [recording her message on R2-D2] Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. you're my only hope. All right, now what do I click?
- R2-D2 (Cleveland): Click "Preferences".
- Princess Leia (Lois): Okay, I clicked "Preferences".
- R2-D2 (Cleveland): Now go to "Default Media Browser".
- Princess Leia (Lois): Okay. There's a little hourglass and it's-it's not letting me do anything. It-it says "Buffering", what is that?
- R2-D2 (Cleveland): Just give it a minute.
- Princess Leia (Lois): All I'm trying to do is make an MPEG.
- R2-D2 (Cleveland): All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute.
- Princess Leia (Lois): Okay, relax.
- R2-D2 (Cleveland): Now click, "Import Video File".
- Princess Leia (Lois): All right. It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7.
- R2-D2 (Cleveland): You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself.
- Darth Vader (Stewie): My God, look at this mess! [mimicking stormtroopers] Oh, hey, Darth Vader's coming, do you think we should clean the place up? Nah, it's okay, he won't mind.
- Soldier 2: Hold your fire, there's no lifeforms aboard.
- Terry: Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now?
- Soldier 2: You don't do the budget Terry, I do.
- Announcer: Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids. Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids! Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids!
- Darth Harrington: Hi! I'm Darth Harrington of Darth Harrington's Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids Emporium and Moon Base. Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am currently overstocked on all Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids, and I am passing the savings onto yoooou!
- Italian 1: [yelling at Beru] Hey! Shuddupa with the noise-a!
- Italian 2: Hey! Shuddupa with the shuddupa!
- Italian 3: You shuddupa with the shuddupa!
- Italian 4: Shuddupa your face! Now mya dogga won't shuddupa!
- Italian 5: Why you no shuddupa?
- Italian 6: I make-a you shuddupa!
- Italian 7: You too, shuddupa!
- Italian 8: Hey! I poke out my head!
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): Well I guess I'll go and bulls-eye some wamp rats with my T-16.
- C-3PO (Quagmire): You kill small animals for fun?! That's the first indication of a serial killer, you freak!
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): There's two suns and no women! What the hell am I supposed to do?!
- C3PO: Master Luke, he's gone, he's gone!
- Luke: What?
- C3PO: R2, he took off in the middle of the night, we gotta find him.
- Luke: [throws down his wrench] Oh, what the Phantom Menace is that guys problem?
- R2D2 (Cleveland): Who the hell are you?
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert): One lucky son-bitch.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert): Hi. My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship to take us to Alderaan, and I'm willing to pay big money.
- Han Solo (Peter): Well, you've come to the right place. I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie.
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): Is it a fast ship?
- Han Solo (Peter): Are you kiddin'? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): Um, isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time?
- Han Solo (Peter): Chewie, take these guys to the ship and get her ready.
- Chewbacca (Brian): [makes Chewbacca's trademark gargling roar for a second, then spits out water in a nearby sink] Always gargle before a take-off. Wocka-wocka! Alright, let's go.
- [Luke goes to rescue Princess Leia in her cell, dressed as a storm trooper
- Princess Leia (Lois): Aren't you a little fat to be a storm trooper?
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch.
- Princess Leia (Lois): Wait! Who are you?
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): [takes his helmet off] I'm Luke Skywalker. Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you.
- Princess Leia (Lois): Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi?
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): Yeah. Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh?
- Storm Trooper: Hey, did you hear something?
- Storm Trooper (RJ): Probably just another drill. You know that last drill we had? I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, and then we heard that there was this drill, and she told me there was no way.
- Darth Vader (Stewie): So, Obi-Wan, we meet again. What part of "Stay 50 yards away at all times" don't you understand? [Obi-Wan activates his lightsaber, which instantly turns flaccid]
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert): Uh-oh.
- Darth Vader (Stewie): Your powers are weak, old man.
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): [Off-screen] Obi-Wan! [Obi-Wan looks away at Luke, then his lightsaber becomes erect once again]
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert): Boy, you got here just in time!
- [during the "TIE" fighter battle]
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): They're coming too fast!
- Han Solo (Peter): [under his breath] A nickel for every time I've had that problem. Just keep shooting, Luke!
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): I got him! I got him!
- Han Solo (Peter): Great kid! Don't get penisy!
- R2-D2 (Cleveland): [opens a hatch and shoots down a "TIE" fighter with a pistol] YEA-HEAH!!! That's how we do it in my neighborhood, bitch!
- Luke (Chris): [during the escape from the Death Star] Han!
- Han (Peter): What?
- Luke: Why do they call them TIE fighters?
- Han: No idea.
- Red Leader: All wings check in.
- Red 3: Red 3 standing by.
- Red 6: Red 6 standing by.
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): Red 5 standing by
- Red Buttons: Red Buttons standing by.
- Redd Foxx: Redd Foxx standing by.
- Big Red Gum: Big Red standing by.
- [camera zooms out to show a Russian submarine floating with the squad of X-Wings]
- Red October: [in Sean Connery's voice] Red October standing by.
- Helen Reddy: Helen Reddy standing by.
- Simply Red (Mick Hucknall): [Entire band is in one X-Wing cockpit] Simply Red standing by.
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): I'm going in! Cover me Porkins!
- Porkins: Uh, I'm havin' a little trouble here.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert) [spirit]: Use The Force, Luke.
- Luke Skywalker (Chris): Obi-Wan?
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert) [spirit]: Yeah, it's me. Use The Force. Force that thing in there. Just like I showed you with those puppets. But don't tell nobody 'cause you'll get in trouble!
- R2-D2 (Cleveland) Agghhh! Fuck you, you son of a bitch! What am I, R2-Pac?!
- Peter: ..The end. [the power comes back on]
- All: Eeyyy!
- Meg: Wow, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained! That was a great story!
- Chris: Yeah, but didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago?
- Peter: Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Chris. I-I don't know if people are even aware of that show's existence.
- Chris: Well, I don't know, Dad. I think a decent number of people watch it.
- Peter: Oh, really? Define "decent".
- Chris: I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience.
- Peter: Well, yeah, but double ten people is, like, twenty people, so, I mean, what kind of numbers are we talking about here, you know?
- Chris: Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show, and they beat you to the punch.
- Peter: Uh, I-I don't know about that, Chris. I mean, to me a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, you know, one of the real networks.
- Chris: [chuckles] I don't know about that, Dad.
- Peter: And-and besides, what's up with that 15-minute run time? Wh-what is that? It's like 15 minutes of guys playing with Star Wars dolls. Oh, yay, yay, tune me in to that.
- Chris: Ohhhh, so you do know the show?
- Peter: I read part of a review online. I am not a fan.
- Chris : You know, Dad, you're a real jerk! [leaves]
- Peter: [starts humming the Star Wars end theme] Na, na-na, na-na, na-na-na-na, na, na, na-na-na na, he, na-na-na he, na, na-na-na-na... na-na.
- Chewbacca (Brian): Grrrrrr!
- Screaming Black Droid: Holy smokes!/Holy shit!
- Cantina Band flautist: Thank you, we're the Cantina Band. If you have any requests, shout 'em out. "Play that same song!" Alright, same song, here we go!
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