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in: Episodes, Season 19

Boys & Squirrels/Quotes

< Boys & Squirrels
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Peter: Some lady up the block is giving away all of her husband's stuff 'cause he shot himself in the face.
Meg: Oh my God!
Stewie: I've seen that lady. He did the right thing.
[Cleveland screams into a bullhorn]
Cleveland: Donna, they had a bullhorn! I don't know why but they had a bullhorn!
Donna: [offscreen] Cleveland, It's time for lunch!
Cleveland: What do I want? Sammich! When do I want it? Now! I ain't eatin' no Lipton soup!
Lois: So kids, Bonnie just told me about the neatest thing. It's called a podcast. I guess it's like a radio show on your phone. Have you heard of these? Podcasts!
Meg: Yeah, mom, we know what podcasts are.
Lois: Huh. I guess these types of things take a while to reach the moms. I'll have to let Bonnie know.
[Lois faxes a message to Bonnie]
Bonnie: [offscreen] Wow, Really!?
Peter: That's right. Since Willem Dafoe has more bones in his face then most people have in their entire body, he's perfect for carving cause the angles are so sharp.
[Cleveland screams into a bullhorn]
Cleveland: Hey, Donna, the tree's just regular.
Donna: [offscreen] Go to work, Cleveland!
Stewie: Awh, he made a little toot!
Chris: That was me. It was one of my cross-legged ones [pauses] I should probably stop recording.
Dr. Hartman: Well, if it's your elbow that's bothering you, we should start by checking your reflexes [Dr. Hartman lunges at Peter and screams] AAAH!!!
Peter: AAAH!
Dr. Hartman: Okay, they seem alright.
Peter: Is that the hat?
Dr. Hartman: Stupid, right?
[A tall Peter walks in The Drunken Clam]
Cleveland: Whoa! Peter, what happened? Did you tease that witch again?
Peter: It's okay, I guess. Although I've noticed I'm a lot more clumsy in the bedroom.
[Cuts away to Peter's dark bedroom where a lamp breaks during intercourse with Lois]
Peter: I'm sorry. You two keep going, I'm gonna clean this up.
Quagmire: All right, the Quahog Fair. Hey, Peter, would you get off your phone?
Peter: Sorry. Young girls keep killing each other, 'cause they think I'm the Slender Man now.
Quagmire: Are...are you...are you telling them to kill each other?
Peter: It's just a goof!
Bruce: Well, let me first start by saying yall's doing your relationship a huge favor by coming to couples counseling. Now, why don't yall start by each trying to suck up to me so I can choose who I'm-a side with.
Stewie: Well, I'm Stewart, and I would love to offer you a freshly baked brownie.
Bruce: Mmm! Oh, my! Someone's already in the lead!
Chris: Stewie promised he'd make healthy meals for us but all he ever makes is frozen pizza.
Stewie: You said you love pizza! Especially when I make the ones with the crust made of "hweat"!
Chris: He also does...that.
Stewie: Oh, really? Go ahead. Show him those girls you follow in Instagram. It's all bosoms and derrieres on there! This is all stuff I talked about with my life coach, Kyle!
Chris: Yeah, "life coach." Kyle's into you, and you know it!
Stewie: Whaaat!?
Bruce: Okay. Chris, why don't you tell your side of the story while I share looks with Stewart that say "Whoa! This is what you've gotta deal with?"
[Stewie finds a Christmas gift from Quagmire]
Stewie: Ooh, fudge! [reads card attached] Don't be a Grinch. Please return plate to G. Quagmire. [normal] Oh, great. So it's a gift and an errand.

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