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:''[after Peter shoots Quagmire]'' |
:''[after Peter shoots Quagmire]'' |
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| − | :'''Joe''': Oh my God, Peter, that |
+ | :'''Joe''': Oh my God, Peter, that might be the dumbest thing you've ever done! |
| − | :'''Peter''': No, the dumbest thing I |
+ | :'''Peter''': No, the dumbest thing I ever did was open that can of Whup Ass!. |
:''[cutaway to Peter opening said can. An arm pops out and repeatedly punches Peter]'' |
:''[cutaway to Peter opening said can. An arm pops out and repeatedly punches Peter]'' |
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:'''Peter''': Lois, why did you buy this? |
:'''Peter''': Lois, why did you buy this? |
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Revision as of 02:09, 10 August 2020
[For the complete script, see: "Brian's a Bad Father" at the Transcripts Wiki]
- Quagmire: [to Peter] You can't even walk and chew gum at the same time!
- [cutaway to Lois walking on the sidewalk]
- Lois: Come on!
- [pull out to reveal Peter chewing gum while lying down on his face]
- Peter: I'm doin' somethin'. [chews] One thing at a time!
- [after Peter shoots Quagmire]
- Joe: Oh my God, Peter, that might be the dumbest thing you've ever done!
- Peter: No, the dumbest thing I ever did was open that can of Whup Ass!.
- [cutaway to Peter opening said can. An arm pops out and repeatedly punches Peter]
- Peter: Lois, why did you buy this?
- [off-camera]
- Lois: It was on sale!
- Peter: [to viewer] Joe Pesci thought we were talkin' to him 'cause his name is Joe. Oh, you don't know who Joe Pesci is 'cause you're 14. You see, in the 90's, this was a tough guy.
- Joe: This has gotta stop. The petty vying for my attention, the late night phone calls, the attack ads...
- [cut to Peter's attack ad]
- Narrator: Glenn Quagmire claims to be Joe Swanson's good friend, but would a good friend not return a leaf blower for four months during the leafy season?
- Peter: I'm Peter Griffin, and I broke into a news station to make this.
- Newscaster: Hey! Who's that guy?
- Peter: [running off] Aagh!
- Quagmire: There she is, my little Susie-wusie!
- Peter: I love Susie more! C'mere, Susie! Uncle Peter's gonna give you a raspberry. [Joe and Quagmire watch in shock as Peter does raspberries on Susie]
- Quagmire: Peter... that's not where you do a raspberry.
- Peter: I closed my eyes too early.
- Joe: I think it's best if you leave.
- Peter: Oh yeah? Well, maybe I'll hang out with my godson, Kevin! [opens Kevin's door]
- Kevin: Get out!
- Peter: He was masturbating with a knife.
- Stewie: You're a terrible guy, Bri.
- Peter: Well, looks like it's just you and me, Shadow. [Peter's shadow enters The Drunken Clam]
- Bar Goers: Shadow!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Brian's a Bad Father's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 11 | Family Guy Season 12 | Season 13 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | Finders Keepers | #08 | Christmas Guy | #15 | Secondhand Spoke | ||||||
| #02 | Vestigial Peter | #09 | Peter Problems | #16 | Herpe, the Love Sore | ||||||
| #03 | Quagmire's Quagmire | #10 | Grimm Job | #17 | The Most Interesting Man in the World | ||||||
| #04 | A Fistful of Meg | #11 | Brian's a Bad Father | #18 | Baby Got Black | ||||||
| #05 | Boopa-Dee Bappa-Dee | #12 | Mom's the Word | #19 | Meg Stinks! | ||||||
| #06 | Life of Brian | #13 | 3 Acts of God | #20 | He's Bla-ack! | ||||||
| #07 | In Harmony's Way | #14 | Fresh Heir | #21 | Chap Stewie | ||||||