- Lois: Why the hell would Daddy buy the Brewery?
- Brian: Well, there's children in the room. Watch your swearing.
- Joe: I have to confiscate your license and you're gonna have to walk home.
- Brian: But, can't you at least just give me a ride?
- Joe: No can do, Amigo.
- Brian: Alright, I guess I'll just call an Uber.
- [Brian calls an Uber and Joe's phone rings]
- Joe: Are you Brian?
- Co-Worker: Goodnight, Peter.
- Peter: Goodnight, gender transitioned co-worker, we had a whole meeting about.
- Tricia: Peter, are you sure you heard Mr. Pewterschmidt correctly? He actually said he wanted cheap, toxic materials inserted into the Brewery supply stream?
- Peter: Well, his eyes looked different, how he said it, but that was the gist.
- Tricia: Mr. Griffin, it sounds like you've brought me an interesting story. What should I do with it, Ollie?
- Ollie: MAKE IT NEWS!
- Peter: Oh, you've got a standing desk too?
- Ollie: SITTING'S BAD!
- Peter: I know, they don't wanna hear it though.
- Peter: I swear, Mama Tricia. I'm gonna make you the proudest tiger mom of all. Not like how Jesus feels about his kid.
- [Cutaway to Jesus and his son, Billy]
- Billy: Dad, I got bullied at school. They flipped up my lunch tray.
- Jesus: Oh, that sucks. I wonder if that's the worst thing that ever happened to a guy. [takes out a Bible] Whoa. Whoa! Billy, this guy in the book here, he's really getting the business. Yikes! Okay, I'm sorry, what happened at school today?
- Billy: You're kind of a dick, dad.
- Jesus: Huh, I wonder if there's anyone in here, whose dad was a bigger dick. Wow, crazy!
- Tricia: Alright, Peter. It's time to master the game of chess.
- Peter: Okay, that shouldn't be too hard.
- [Peter tries grabbing a chess piece and Tricia slaps him]
- Tricia: No! You will do it in the traditional Japanese way. On a wacky game show, while a beautiful woman beats your scrotum with a reed.
- [Cutaway to Peter on a game show, and getting beaten with a reed]
- Peter: Ow! I don't know which way the horse goes! [Peter gets hit again and a guy laughs at him] Aaah! Why is that guy laughing at me and where is he?
- [A buzzer goes off]
- Peter: There was a time limit? Nobody told me that!
- Japanese Guy: Time for Good Door Bad Door!
- Peter: Wait, how bad is the bad door?
- [Fast forward to many years later, Peter is an old amputee, talking to his son]
- Peter's Son: Grandpa-san, how bad was the bad door?
- Peter: Not too bad, but shorty afterwards, I was almost eaten alive by an escalator.
- [Buzzer goes off]
- Peter: The game is still going on?
- Japanese Guy: Oh, ho, ho. You lose chess.
- [Stewie is teaching Brian how to drive]
- Stewie: IPDE, Brian, IPDE!
- Brian: What?
- Stewie: IPDE! Identify, predict, decide, execute. You've got to constantly be IPDEing everything in your target zone.
- Brian: I ... I ... I ... I don't know what you're saying.
- Stewie: IPDE! Identify, predict, ...
- Brian: Yeah, you said that but it doesn't mean any ...
- Stewie: IPDE THAT!
- Brian: Um, it's a child with a ball.
- Stewie: Very good, identify. Now predict.
- Brian: Predict what?
- Stewie: IPDE!
- Brian: You keep saying that like it's a word. Those four letters don't make a word. It's not helping me remember anything.
- Stewie: Oh, now you've got an oncoming vehicle. Pay attention to your four to six second zone.
- Brian: What? What is that? Four to six second?
- Stewie: IPDE the car. IPDE the car!
- Brian: What does that mean?
- Stewie: Now, check your gages with one eye, while keeping your other eye on the road.
- Brian: My eyes go in the same direction.
- Stewie: What's your tire pressure?
- Brian: I ... I can't ... I don't ... I'm in the car!
- Stewie: Stop! [Brian stops the car] Demerit!
- Brian: Stewie, I know how to drive. I've been driving for years!
- [Another guy drives by]
- Guy: Ever hear of IPDE, jackass!?
- [Peter craps, orgasms, and barfs, while wearing a suit]
- Peter: Aw, crap. This thing was a rental.
- [Cutaway to Peter rushing into the store, throwing the tux in there, and leaving in a hurry]
- Peter: Here's your tux back, bye!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Carter and Tricia's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes