[For the complete script, see: "Chitty Chitty Death Bang" at the Transcripts Wiki]

Doctor: This is quite a miracle Mr. Griffin, would you like to have a look?
Peter: Yeah y'know, I've never seen a live baby being...oh God!

Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? [double clap] A little service here!

Manager of Cheesie Charlie's: If the kids have enough tickets, they get a prize.
Timmy: I have 13 tickets, now. Is that enough?
Man behind the counter: Oh, sorry Timmy, but you need 15 tickets to live.

[Enter Peter, riding an elephant in the backyard, during Stewie's party]
Peter: Hey, look, Lois! The 2 symbols of the Republican party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

Brian: Bravo, Peter. You are the Spalding Gray of crap.

Peter: Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father, a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.

Chris: It's cool, Dad. They have this game where you put in a dollar, and you win four quarters. I win every time!

Peter: Chris, this is a big day for you, the day you become the man of the house, because when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.

[Henry escorts Stewie]
Stewie: What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you whatever you want: money,

Meg: I can't believe you'd put your family over your own daughter!
Brian: She's a whiny little runt, isn't she? [Lois gasps] I said "runt."

Meg: Dad, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm so embarrassed I could die!
Cult Member: Hey, hey, not before the rest of us.

Peter: Sorry, Meg, I guess that's another bunch of people who'd rather fake their own death than go to a party with you.

Peter: I cannot wait to taste this cake. The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic.
Lois: Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
Peter: Well, there were only two left, and trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey kiss nipples.

The Man in White: What the hell is this?
Stewie: It's a boy!

Stewie: Victory is mine!
Lois: Yes, and this cake is yours, too.

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