Lois: That was a fun birthday party, huh Stewie?
Stewie: That kid was Indian and eleven years old. Where are you finding my friends?

[Herbert turns out the light and Chris rips a long fart]
Chris: Sorry!
[Herbert angrily turns on the light]
Herbert: You really know how to waste a Cialis, don't you?

[When Meg is telling Chris to call those girls]
Chris: No way! That was the last thing on your list! I can't do this anymore.
Meg: Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you stole mom's money. I own you. Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go down town and get my stuff from my P.O box.
Chris: Y...You don't get your mail here?
Meg: No. I get a lot of stuff from the Netherlands.
Chris: Like what?
Meg: Like I'm part of a group that sorta trashes Anne Frank's house every year.
Chris: You know what? No. That's it! I'm no...I'm not doing anymore of your crap, Meg.
Meg: Chris, don't you see? You have no choice. I'll just go tell mom and dad about the money, and they'll ground your ass for a YEAR!
Chris: I don't care! Tell em'! 'cause I'm not gonna be here! I'm gonna run away and no one will ever see me again!
Meg: Good! Go! And who's even gonna miss you? You're just a little thief!! Where ya goin' Chris? Who are you gonna turn to? You don't even have any friends!
[Herbert's home]
Chris: Hi, I ran away from home. Do you mind if I live with you?
Herbert: Live with me?! My goodness, I have pinch myself to see if I'm dreamin'! [Herbert pinches his right arm, which bruises all over the arm] Hot dog! It's real!

Herbert: I thought I told you to clean up in here. And why aren't you dressed? We're supposed to have dinner with Judge Maynard and Timmy.
Chris: Yeah, okay, as soon as I finish this level.
Herbert: No, get your coat on. It's a three-hour drive to that cabin.
Chris: Can't you just cook something here?
Herbert: Excuse me?! I am not going to cook dinner while you sit here in your own mess playing your TV games!
Chris: Oh-ho, and the martyr returns!
Herbert: Chris, I... I think it's time for you to go.
Chris: Okay, I'll go. But I want you to know, I faked all my light-headedness. Mm, Kool-Aid. Whoa, whoa. Sound familiar?!

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