Peter: Alright, red light. Time to text and shave and whittle and floss.
Stewie: You've just gotta do what Taylor Swift does and shake it off.
Chris: Who's Taylor Swift?
[Stewie pauses in shock]
Stewie: Oh my God! Am I about to introduce you to Taylor Swift?
Chris: What is she, a singer?
Stewie: She's much more than a singer, Chris. She's ... she's ... she's the queen! A goddess! A gazelle in a high-waisted swimsuit!
[Peter fills out a form]
Peter: Name ... Peter Griffin. Criminal history ... This section is optional. I will skip this.
Stewie: [talking to Taylor Swift] Okay, so let's talk about Harry Styles. Now, you don't have to say anything. I'm just gonna slowly pull out this tape measure, and you indicate when I should stop. Okay, here I go.
[Stewie starts pulling out the tape measure]
Stewie: Still going ... still going ... Oh my God, you bitch! Seriously?
Chris: Taylor, this is our sister, Meg and our dog, Brian.
Taylor: Nice to meet you both.
Meg: We're not all so impressed. I've met Dan Aykroyd.
Brian: I'm sorry, uh, which cast member of Hee Haw are you?
[Stewie runs up and starts beating them with the tape measure]
Stewie: WILL YOU BE NICE!?
Chris: Sorry about my family.
Taylor: Don't apologize. They seem nice.
Chris: Well, you wouldn't say that if you ever saw us at the movies.
[Cutaway to the family in a movie theater]
Peter: Alright, we got our popcorn from home, our soda from home, our snacks from home and Braveheart.
[Peter picks up a guy in his car]
Guy: Hey, what's up? I'm just going to Quahog Stadium.
Peter: Okay, would you like the AC on or the windows down?
Guy: How 'bout both?
[Peter excitedly drives with the AC on and the windows down]
Guy: Pretty great right?
Peter: It is! It really is! Thank you, genius person!
Guy: No problem. Hey, you ever go in a hot tub while it's snowing outside?
Peter: UH ... WHAT!?
Secretary: Ms. Swift, your song writing team is here.
[Two old Jewish guys walk in]
Old Man: We've got a socko tune for you, Taylor. Hit it, Morty. [singing] Lox and bagels and bagels and lox. I like being a girl.
Taylor: Okay, one thought. What if we changed "lox" to "boys" and "bagels" to "problems".
Old Man: Oh, that's good! Like when you changed "Pickle it good" to "Shake it off".
[Chris, Brian, and Stewie appear in Taylor Swift's house]
Chris: Hi, Taylor.
Taylor: Chris? What are you guys doing here?
Chris: I wanted to talk to you.
Stewie: Your house is way nicer than Anne Murray's. We broke in there too.