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The Loop (TV)
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[For a complete script, see: "Christmas is Coming" at the Transcripts Wiki]
- [Brian tries to explain Meg's orgasm after seeing Stewie's picture]
- Brian: Wow, okay, uh...Stewie I think I know what happened. I can't tell you explicitly since we're owned by Disney, but let me just say that Santa made her 'Little Mermaid' 'Moana.'
- Principal Shepherd: And now, Adam West High School choir's original Christmas song, "Die Hard". I see those looks. Yes, the movie was originally released in summer but it took place on Christmas eve, which makes it a Christmas film.
- Peter: [takes out a rule book] I guess we don't need this for anything.
- Chris: Hey, Mr. Quagmire. Getting ready for the birth of Christ?...WHICH HAPPENED!
- [Meg leaves the living room]
- Lois: She's gone! Quick, let's take the picture for the Christmas card!
- [The family takes a picture and the card ends up with a picture of Peter's ass pimple]
- Peter: I sent the wrong picture to Walgreens'.
- Rabbi: I want a new TV and it can't be a Vizeo, Sony or Samsung only and I want it all set up before I turn it on. I don't wanna have to do any of the things!
- Meg: [about to climax] Shut up, everyone!...Shut up! SHUT UP!...JUST SHUT UP!
- Stewie: Meg, what are you doing? You look like mom, when she sits on the washing machine.
- [A woman watches Meg have an orgasm]
- Woman: I'll have what she's having.
- Lois: What's going on?
- Meg: Mom, I think I met someone.
- Lois: Oh, Meg, that's amazing! I wanna know all about him. What's his name?
- Meg: Let's just call him "beard boy".
- Lois: Ooooohhh! It's like I'm in Sex with the City.
- Stewie: Brian, would you hand me the fat man's fancy puking hat?
- [Stewie barfs into the hat]
- Stewie: God this hat is deep.
- [Peter enters]
- Peter: Oh, there's my hat. Kids, I'm off to the opera.
- [Peter watches the opera and barf seeps down his face]
- Peter: This opera stinks.
- Stewie: I've gotta hide!
- [Stewie covers his eyes and Meg comes by to pick him up]
- Stewie: How did she find me? That's my best hiding spot!
- Stewie: Oh and by the way, Rupert, after what I saw, I know you've been faking it this whole time.
- Stewie: Next road show, Stewie and Meg. Promise. [singing] We're off on a road to Ohio. [normal] "Hi" in the middle and round at both ends.
- [Meg finds out Peter is a mall Santa]
- Meg: Dad, I'm gonna ask you a question and how you answer it will determine the rest of my life. Were you the Santa at this mall yesterday?
- Peter: No.
- Meg: Oh, thank God.
- Peter: Now, Meg. I got a question for you. Is there really a weight limit for the escalator or did I just meet some mean kids?
- Elf: Lady, I've been thrown into so many gongs, I don't even remember my own name.
- Stewie: Santa's a good guy because he keeps a list? You know who else kept a list? Hitler!
- Kid: My uncle, who moved to the Idaho wilderness, says Hitler was a great man.
- Meg: Stewie, when this is over, I'm buying you a new toy.
- Stewie: Meg, when this is over, I'm putting rocks in my pockets and walking into the mall fountain.
- Meg: How much longer is this gonna take?
- Elf: I don't know. 400 minutes? One reason I work as a seasonal elf is I'm not great at time estimates.
- Guy: [offscreen] Next.
- Elf: See? 400 minutes! Even a broken clock is right six times a day.
- [Meg rips the mall Santa's beard off]
- Holden Caulfield: He's a PHONY! A great big PHONY!
- [Stewie prepares to kill himself]
- Stewie: Time to sleep in heavenly peace.
- Woody: Wow! Looks like that baby is all wet!
- [Brian pretends to be Santa]
- Brian: Just try to have a good Christmas.
- Stewie: Uh, speaking of that, I want a new dog.
- Brian: What's...wrong with the dog you have?
- Stewie: Eh, he's okay. I just...I just want a new one.
- Brian: Maybe, you can spend more time with the old one, before you make any decisions.
- Stewie: Nah. Want a new one. Thanks, Santa.
- [Chris finds Brian dressed as Santa]
- Chris: Oh my God! Santa! I want a new dog!
- Brian: Oh, come on!
- [Peter enters Meg's room]
- Peter: There you are. I had a Hell of a time, finding your room.
- Santa: I try to visit every mall at least once, during Christmas. Except for Long Island malls. Those people are a bit much.
- Meg: I can't believe I ... you know, "grew up" all over you.
- Santa: It's okay, Meg. You see, I know what each and every person needs for Christmas. For you, it was your first time seeing Jimmy Connors.
- Meg: Alright, I'm gunna put my leg on up this back tire and take a shewee.
- Santa: You know, you don't have to say everything out loud, Meg.
- Jimmy Connors: Meg? Hi, Merry Christmas. I'm tennis bad boy, Jimmy Connors.
- Meg: How did you get in here?
- Jimmy Connors: I came in through your baby's window. You can just open it.
- Stewie: [offscreen] Men are now just coming in at will!
- Jimmy Connors: Meg, I think you're gonna be just fine, but just in case, here. I want you to have these.
- [Jimmy gives Meg two tennis balls]
- Meg: Your balls?
- Jimmy Connors: That's right. Whenever you need me, just rub my balls and I'll come.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Christmas is Coming's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 17 | Family Guy Season 18 | Season 19 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Yacht Rocky | #08 | Shanksgiving | #15 | Baby Stewie | |||
| #02 | Bri-Da | #09 | Christmas is Coming | #16 | Start Me Up | |||
| #03 | Absolutely Babulous | #10 | Connie's Celica | #17 | Coma Guy | |||
| #04 | Disney's The Reboot | #11 | Short Cuts | #18 | Better Off Meg | |||
| #05 | Cat Fight | #12 | Undergrounded | #19 | Holly Bibble | |||
| #06 | Peter & Lois' Wedding | #13 | Rich Old Stewie | #20 | Movin’ In (Principal Shepherd’s Song) | |||
| #07 | Heart Burn | #14 | The Movement | |||||
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