- Brian: [trapped inside the kitchen] Is there food on the floor? I can clean it up!
- Lois: No!
- Brian: [observes the party from the kitchen] Joe dropped a cracker! Joe dropped a cracker!
- Cleveland: I only read four books in my life and three of them were about Johnny Bench.
- Lois: Starting tomorrow, you are reading one of these books.
- Peter: Little Women, Holes, The Giver. These are all porn categories. Black Beauty? Is there anything here that's not pornography?
- Lois: 1984! Just read 1984.
- Peter: You guys have 1984?
- Joanna: We've got it on CD. CD. Ha! Sounds like my high school report card.
- Peter: This is books!? Books kick ass!
- Meg: It's crazy like JFK deciding to cruise through Dallas in a rental.
- [Cutaway gag to a secret service agent returning the car to the rental shop]
- Car Dealer: How'd that convertible work out for you?
- Secret Service: Yeah, I don't...I don't know. Good...Okay.
- Car Dealer: And did you get all your stuff out of the car?
- Secret Service: ...Kind of?
- [Cops talks over the radio]
- Officer Stickbutt: Dammit!
- Joe: What? what happened?
- Officer Stickbutt: Get off this channel, Joe!
- Joe: What? I wanna be an outside cop!
- [Peter's family visit him when he's in a coma]
- Dr. Gravitas: It's very important that you speak to Peter. He can hear you. Talk about the good times. What he means to you. Talk and keep talking.
- [The family goes silent for a few seconds]
- Lois: Let's just turn on the TV.
- [Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin back in and out of the bushes]
- Homer: Meme.
- Peter: Not a meme.
- Homer: Meme.
- Peter: Not a meme.
- Peter: The Godfather insists upon itself.
- [Peter's friends visit him in the hospital]
- Joe: Hey,...if this goes south,...is there a plan for Peter's rakes?...Who's just get Peter's rake?
- Chris: What did I tell you, mom? What did I tell you?
- Joe: What? I thought it'd just be one less thing to worry about Peter.
- Cleveland: You came out of the blocks too soon, Joe.
- [Bonnie enters]
- Bonnie: Oh, Lois. I came as soon as I heard. So, have you guys made any arrangements, rake wise?
- Joe: Bonnie. Ixnay on the Akesray?
- [Peter's heart rate starts back up and Dr. Hartman covers his face with the blanket as though he was dead]
- Dr. Gravitas: No! That's the good sound!
- Dr. Hartman: Oh, why don't you just do everything!? [leaves in a huff] I hate this stupid hospital.
- Peter: Wasn't a true story, right?
- Jose: What?
- Peter: Coco.
- Jose: No, it was fictional. Somebody make it up out of their head.
- Peter: Mayor West? Angela? My dad? Quagmire's fat girlfriend who died in the Clue episode?
- Dr. Hartman: Mrs. Griffin, I have some good news or some bad news, depending on how you feel about your husband.
- [Peter is about to board the boat to his death]
- Peter: Hey, before I go. What's the boat's wi-fi password?
- Jose: Oh, there's no wi-fi on board.
- Peter: [horrified] I DON'T WANNA GO!!!
- Peter: I'm alive!
- Mortgage Guy: I'm from the mortgage company. Mr. Griffin, you're three months late on your payment.
- Peter: [pretends to be dead] Beeeeeeeep.
- Lois: You know what it's like being married to you!? Every day, wondering if my husband's gunna die from something stupid!? Crashing your Petercopter, getting eaten at the zoo, running into a tunnel that's not really a tunnel but just something the Roadrunner painted on the side of a rock!
- Peter: Yeah, well I saw him go through it!
- Fly: [singing] And who am I? I'm a fly on the wall. A fly who's seen it all.
- [Peter squashes the fly]
- Peter: Aw, dammit! Now we gotta repaint!
- Meg: Mom, what is it?
- Lois: I thought maybe your father would show up at the last second and we'd have one of those airport scenes.
- Brian: That's a nice movie trope, Lois, but the post-9/11 reality is, there's no way a non-ticketed civilian can-
- [Peter crashes his car through the wall]
- Peter: Lois! Kids!
- Chris: Dad came! Brian was wrong again!
- Peter: Maybe that's what a family is, you know? A bunch of people who try to kill each other.
- Chris: I don't think that's what a family is.
- Stewie: Eh, it is, kinda.
- Peter: If I gotta have my plug pulled by somebody, I want it to be you and you're the only people who's plug I wanna pull.
- Chris: Well, we all learned an important lesson. No one should ever read a book.
- Chris: Oh my God, you guys! Another space shuttle exploded!
- Peter: [sigh] Well, there's only one thing to do. Let's paint.
- Fly: [singing] When shuttles blow up, it's not always an accident.
- Stewie: What do you mean, not an accident? Who is this guy, singing?
- Fly: [singing] And who am I? A conspiracy fly. Did you know NASA means "deceive" in Hebrew?
- Peter: I did not.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Coma Guy's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
<< Season 17 | Family Guy Season 18 | Season 19 >> | ||||||
#01 | Yacht Rocky | #08 | Shanksgiving | #15 | Baby Stewie | |||
#02 | Bri-Da | #09 | Christmas is Coming | #16 | Start Me Up | |||
#03 | Absolutely Babulous | #10 | Connie's Celica | #17 | Coma Guy | |||
#04 | Disney's The Reboot | #11 | Short Cuts | #18 | Better Off Meg | |||
#05 | Cat Fight | #12 | Undergrounded | #19 | Holly Bibble | |||
#06 | Peter & Lois' Wedding | #13 | Rich Old Stewie | #20 | Movin’ In (Principal Shepherd’s Song) | |||
#07 | Heart Burn | #14 | The Movement |