FANDOM


Stewie: [suspicious] What are you up to?

Lois: Peter, I need you to mow the lawn. It's out of control.
Peter: I can't mow the lawn, Lois. The Friends of Distinction are out there, Grazing in the Grass.

[Cleveland falls asleep on the toilet]
Donna: [offscreen] Cleveland? You okay in there? Cleveland!
[Cleveland wakes up]
Cleveland: Wha...wha...wha? What? Uh...yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Mmmm, that was a good toilet dream about my neighbor and his lawn.

Peter: Now, to start the mower, you grab this pull cord like so, and give it a nice hard yank.
[Chris tries pulling cord, but it doesn't work]
Chris: Can I change my grip?
[Chris pulls the cord in a way that emulates masturbation and the lawnmower starts]
Peter: Wow, much better.
Chris: It's a more familiar motion.

Chris: Did you know Corey got recruited by ISIS? He disappeared and now there's this guy doing ISIS videos and they think it's Corey.
[Chris pulls up one of Corey's ISIS videos]
Corey: Assalamu alaikum guys, this is Corey. Here to talk about making a dirty bomb with stuff you can find in your kitchen.

Brian: There she is, the wealthiest heiress in all of Newport. The holy grail for guys like us.
Stewie: Who is she?
Brian: That's Margaret Woolworth Carrington von Schumacher Chanel Astor Livingston Compte de Saint-Exupery Mountbatten Windsor Armani Roosevelt Von Trap Wykenhamp Hearst Montgomery Rothschild Johnson & Johnson Twillsworth Dolce Gabana Von Zweiger II Montgomery de LaRoche Geico Vanderbilt Lannister van Burean Butterworth How I Met Your Mother Wrigley Louise-Dreyfus Ludwig Morgan Stanley Dumont Lamborghini Forbes Higbee Winthrop Chanel Remy Martin Fitzwilliam Kennedy Motel Six Fairchild Brook Pritzker Davenport von Stolen Monty Python Ellisworth Aston Martin Haverbrook Ziff Launder Hilton DuPont Kinkaid Winslow Coors Oviatt Marlborough Pembroke Huffington Bush Mellon Sinclair Mellencamp Starbucks van Dyke III Montgomery Marriott Barrington Chadsworth Big League Chew Chesterfield Kensington Boothbishop Longbottom Nottingham Meisterburger Burgermeister Tudor Hapsburg Rockefeller Onassis.
Stewie: [gasp] My God. You mean, the heir to the Woolworth Carrington von Schumacher Chanel Astor Livingston Compte de Saint-Exupery Mountbatten Windsor Armani Roosevelt Von Trap Wykenhamp Hearst Montgomery Rothschild Johnson & Johnson Twillsworth Dolce Gabana Von Zweiger II Montgomery de LaRoche Geico Vanderbilt Lannister van Burean Butterworth How I Met Your Mother Wrigley Louise-Dreyfus Ludwig Morgan Stanley Dumont Lamborghini Forbes Higbee Winthrop Chanel Remy Martin Fitzwilliam Kennedy Motel Six Fairchild Brook Pritzker Davenport von Stolen Monty Python Ellisworth Aston Martin Haverbrook Ziff Launder Hilton DuPont Kinkaid Winslow Coors Oviatt Marlborough Pembroke Huffington Bush Mellon Sinclair Mellencamp Starbucks van Dyke III Montgomery Marriott Barrington Chadsworth Big League Chew Chesterfield Kensington Boothbishop Longbottom Nottingham Meisterburger Burgermeister Tudor Hapsburg Rockefeller Onassis fortune?
Brian: Exactly. She goes by "Pip".
Stewie: Pip?
Brian: Pip.

[Peter mows the lawn without a bag, blasting the grass all over Joe's house]
Joe: Hey! Will you put a bag on that thing?
Bonnie: [offscreen] Just poop into your hand if you have to. I'll be down in a minute!

Cat: I like this party.
[Chicken walks by]
Chicken: Pussies.
Cats: Cock.

Quagmire: That's a...that's a freshly oiled hinge.

Peter: You're seeming kinda cocky, and I hate cocky. Boo, cocky.

[Herbert explodes]
Chris: Well, he often said he wanted to explode all over me. He finally did.

[Herbert grows from a potted plant]
Herbert: I am Herbert!

Tom Tucker: Our top story...Newport's wealthiest heiress, Margaret Woolworth...Holy God, I'm not reading all that.
HolyGod

Quagmire: [to Brian] Listen, I...I know there's been some bad blood between us, but I...I promise it won't happen again. I hope you can forgive me.

Pip: What a couple of rubes. I'm finally out from under that crushing debt. I suppose I don't need this anymore.
[Pip takes off her costume, revealing to be Meg in disguise]
Meg: Yes, that's right. It was a Meg story.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Con Heiress's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.