- Peter: Ah, the beach. So much to do. Unlimited possibilities.
- [Peter notices a "No Alcohol" sign]
- Peter: There is nothing to do at the beach! Why did we come here!?
- [A young Peter and Lois make out under the boardwalk]
- Peter: When I go back to school, all me greaser friends are gunna say "Tell me more! Tell me more!" and I'm gunna say you were a slut.
- Peter: That was the first time I noticed you didn't have an ear.
- Stewie: Come on, Brian. I'm gunna make you a YouTube surfing dog. You know, one of those videos where you can't tell if he's enjoying it or not.
- [Brian and another dog emotionlessly surf]
- Dog: I love it.
- Brian: I hate it.
- Chris: Locals have renamed me "Sandy Crevasses" and they're absolutely right. Please have all my mail forwarded accordingly.
- Lois: I guess I'll go throw this candy wrapper in the beach trash. See you in 45 minutes.
- [Stewie appears in the happy family dishwashing scene in an insert shot]
- Stewie: The baby thinks he's helping. He was probably filmed separately though. Notice he's just an insert shot.
- Peter and Lois: You guys are more frustrating then trying to sell men's suits in Australia.
- [An uptight guy goes to an Eagles concert]
- Glenn Frey: Who here wants to Take It Easy?
- Uptight Guy: Not me. Do you read the papers? Look around you.
- Glenn Frey: Alright, well. You wanna Take It to the Limit?
- Uptight Guy: Not really. That would be a little foolhardy, wouldn't it?
- Lois: It's like this is a whole Cutawayland and it takes a setup from both of us to get us in or out of Cutawayland but only one of us to move within Cutawayland.
- Peter: Lois, are you saying that it takes a setup from both of us to get us in or out of Cutawayland but only one of us to move within Cutawayland?
- Lois: Exactly, Peter! It takes a setup from both of us to get us in or out of Cutawayland but only one of us to move within Cutawayland!
- [Peter and Lois spy on Tom Brady in the shower]
- Peter: Look at that. It's just as big as you want it to be but not so big that it's gunna distract him.
- [Peter and Lois go to Charlton Heston's funeral]
- Peter: Excuse me. Is this his cold dead hand?
- Mortician: Uh, yes?
- [Peter pries a gun out of it]
- Peter: He uh, he said I could have this.
- Joe: Roar says, Chewbacca!
- Meg: Chris, now that mom and dad are gone, we should have a rager!
- Chris: Oh, I get those mostly in the morning.
- [Peter watches BBC 12 on an iPad]
- Peter: Oh my God! Brexit stage right!
- [Peter zips offscreen like Snagglepuss but then comes back for the iPad]
- Peter: Actually, I will take this.
- [A doctor works at a pancake hospital and a nurse comes up]
- Nurse: Excuse me, doctor?
- Doctor: What!?
- Nurse: Pancakes aren't people. We need this wing for Covid.
- [Principal Shepherd comes to Chris and Meg's party]
- Principal Shepherd: Is that girl here who wears the butt cheek bottom shorts?
- Chris: No, she transferred to an alternative school.
- Principal Shepherd: Oh ... Do you happen to know if they're having a party tonight?
- Chris: You haven't even tried the cake!
- Principal Shepherd: This cake says "You can beat chemo, Helen".
- Chris: It was on a discount ... Helen couldn't beat chemo.
- Peter and Lois: This is like the time we were together with our family.
- [The rest of the family appears in Cutawayland]
- Chris: W ... Where are we?
- Meg: Mom? Dad?
- Stewie: I haven't been given a morsel of food while you were away. Not one fucking crumb.
- Brian: I was just driving a car a second ago. That's a problem, right?
- Lois: First things first, did you clean up the house before coming to Cutawayland? Cuz if it's found messy it's gunna reflect poorly on me!
- [Principal Shepherd shows up in the empty, messy Griffin house]
- Principal Shepherd: Hello? Anyone? Hmm, quite messy. That reflects poorly on Mrs. Griffin.
- Peter: Just tell me. Are you in the real world or are you a cutaway?
- Joe: Uh, no. I'm at home. Why, do you need me for a cutaway?
- Peter: Okay good. Just making sure you're not cutaway Joe. Hey, you know that should be your answering machine. Cutaway Joe to Cotton-Eye Joe.
- Joe: ... Call me back in three minutes.
- Peter: Joe, we don't have ...
- Joe: Call me back in three minutes!
- [Three minutes later transition]
- Joe: [answering machine message; to the tune of Cotton-Eye Joe] I just called you. Where did you go? Where did you run to Cutaway Joe?
- [Joe finally answers the phone]
- Joe: Hilarious, right?
- Joe: According to a 16-year-old autistic fan in Akron, Ohio, in order for The Griffins to escape from a theoretical Cutawayland, they must first journey back to the original cutaway with Adolf Hitler and kill him!
- Chris: Who's gunna kill Hitler?
- Lois: Peter, I gotta admit. I'm not comfortable with this plan. Yeah, I know he was evil but do we really have the right to take the life of another human being?
- Brian: Human being? It's Hitler!
- Chris: Wow. The middle class morality of Brian Griffin.
- [Meg comes in with the severed head of Adolf Hitler]
- Meg: Hitler head, yo! He cried like a bitch when I did it.
- Lois: You've been passed out for 22 minutes, babbling about cutaways and Hitler. We were so worried!
- Meg: I wasn't that worried.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Cutawayland's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 18 | Family Guy Season 19 | Season 20 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Stewie's First Word | #08 | Pawtucket Pat | #15 | Customer of the Week | |||
| #02 | The Talented Mr. Stewie | #09 | The First No L | #16 | Who's Brian Now? | |||
| #03 | Boys & Squirrels | #10 | Fecal Matters | #17 | Young Parent Trap | |||
| #04 | Cutawayland | #11 | Boy's Best Friend | #18 | Meg Goes to College | |||
| #05 | La Famiglia Guy | #12 | And Then There's Fraud | #19 | Family Cat | |||
| #06 | Meg's Wedding | #13 | PeTerminator | #20 | Tales of Former Sports Glory | |||
| #07 | Wild Wild West | #14 | The Marrying Kind | |||||