- Peter: Check it out, guys. A new driver's license.
- Cleveland: What's wrong with your picture?
- Peter: Well see. I got drunk, and then got my picture taken. So that way, when I get pulled over for drunk driving, I look the same as on license. You know. And then the copper... the copper'll say: 'Aah. You're fine. You're not drunk. This is you normal. I can tell you by the picture.'
- Cleveland: I wish, I've thought of that. [Shows his license] I just got my new license a month ago. [Cleveland is smiling wide]
- Peter: What's with the big grin?
- Cleveland: Oh, I just got a new tube of Aquafresh, and I was feeling cocky. Hey, lets see yours, Quagmire. [Peter takes a look]
- Peter: Wait a second. You were born in 1948?
- Quagmire: Aah. Yeah.
- Peter: You're 61 years old?
- Quagmire: Aah. Yes, sir.
- Cleveland: [Returns the license to Quagmire] What's your secret?
- Quagmire: Aah, carrots. Sometimes I grind them up in the juice or just eat 'em raw. Or insert them anally. As long as I get 'em into my body somehow. [quietly singing to himself] Tsici-tsicaah.
- Joe: Oh, she's just so smokin' hot! God, I would do things to her that... she would probably laugh at. You bitch!
- Lois: Oh My God! It's true! Michael Moore is gay with Rush Limbaugh. And I just laid in dog poop.
- Cameraman: That's not dog poop, sorry, we've been out here a long time.
- [With Peter Chernin, Chairman of Fox Network, after watching a segment from an episode of "Handi-quacks"]
- Peter Chernin: [Laughs]
- Peter Griffin: [Laughs] You with me?
- Peter Chernin: I sure am!
- Peter Griffin: You with me now?
- Peter Chernin: I love it!
- Peter Griffin: You know you love it!
- Peter Chernin: I just have one small change.
- Peter Griffin: Oh?
- Peter Chernin: Could Poopyface Tomato-noses' nose, be a plum?
- Peter Griffin: [Seethingly] ...How..dare you.
- Peter Chernin: It's a small change. And if you do it, we'll really get behind this show.
- Peter Griffin: A plum?? What is this, 1986??
- Peter Chernin: Well, if you're gonna be a T.V. Producer, you've gotta be open to collaboration.
- Peter Griffin: So everybody just gets to stick their big chef's spoon into my comedy gumbo, huh? Well no deal!
- Peter Chernin: You know something? I like your passion. Okay! We'll do the show. And we'll do it your way.
- Peter Griffin: ...No.
- [Cuts to the Griffin house, where Peter and Chris are sitting on the couch]
- Peter Griffin: Well, that was a miscalculation.
- Anchorman: Lois, please, take the job for Fox's sake.
- Fox Exec: Well, hi there, Brian!
- Brian: How's it going, Adolf?
- Fox Exec: I'll have you know my grandparents died in the Holocaust! [Brian stares] Ahahaha, no, I'm just joking. They were there, though.
- Stewie: [in the high definition television set box] Look at me. I'm an Iraq war vet in 10 years. Nah, we're gonna take good care of them.
- [Lois and Brian are at Michael Moore's house]
- Lois: Alright, there it is. Stay close to me. [The camera zooms into Michael Moore's bedroom. Rush Limbaugh walks over and takes his clothes and himself off, turning into Michael Moore. Michael Moore walks over]
- Lois: [gasps] This is it. Let's go. [they rush into the bedroom] Mr. Moore, Mr. Limbaugh, do you have anything to say to FOX News about this... what the hell? [Michael Moore has a naked Rush Limbaugh suit]
- Michael Moore: Who are you?
- Lois: What's that suit on the bed? And what have you done with your gay lover, Rush Limbaugh?
- Michael Moore: I am Rush Limbaugh. That's a costume.
- Brian: Wait a minute. You mean all these years, Rush Limbaugh has just been Michael Moore in disguise?
- Michael Moore: Well, it's a little more complex than that.
- Lois: What are you talking about? [Michael Moore unzips himself, revealing Fred Savage] Fred Savage?!
- Brian: Wait a minute. You're Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore?
- Fred Savage: Yes I am. They're both characters I created.
- Lois: But... why?
- Fred Savage: Well, after The Wonder Years, I was hungry to do some more acting, but the pickings were slim. So I came up with this scheme to satisfy my need to perform, and I guess it got a little out of hand.
- Brian: This is unbelievable!
- Fred Savage: Well, that's not the end of it. [walks over to a closet and slides the doors open, revealing other costumes] I'm also Tony Danza, Camryn Manheim, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Kevin Nealon, John Forsythe and Metallica drummer, Lars Ulrich.
- Brian: Wow, Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the world!
- Fred Savage: That's all I ever wanted people to know.
- Lois: Well, if you let us run this story, I promise you they will.
- Fred Savage: You got a deal.
- Daniel Stern: [voice-over from "The Wonder Years"] Well, it finally happened. I had finally gotten the recognition I deserved...
- Fred Savage: [shouts] I don't need you anymore!!
- Seth Rogen: [to Ellen DeGeneres] What the fuck, did you eat pussy backstage???
- Stewie: Hey, Lois, a little less yakety-yak and a little more cutting up my banana! What am I supposed to do? Stick the whole thing in my mouth? I mean I... [sticks the banana in his mouth] Oh, hello.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// FOX-y Lady's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 6 | Family Guy Season 7 | Season 8 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Love, Blactually | #07 | Ocean's Three and a Half | #13 | Stew-Roids | |||
| #02 | I Dream of Jesus | #08 | Family Gay | #14 | We Love You, Conrad | |||
| #03 | Road to Germany | #09 | The Juice Is Loose | #15 | Three Kings | |||
| #04 | Baby Not On Board | #10 | FOX-y Lady | #16 | Peter's Progress | |||
| #05 | The Man with Two Brians | #11 | Not All Dogs Go To Heaven | |||||
| #06 | Tales of a Third Grade Nothing | #12 | 420 | |||||