- Peter: [referring to Stewie's lyric in the Theme Song] I swear, he says the F word.
- Slinky: Don't forget to turn in your time card, Peter. What are you, allergic to money?
- Peter: [annoyed and exhausted] Ha ha. No. I wanna get paid. Just forgot.
- [Chris walks through Lois' writing club, naked, dripping wet, and wearing a towel]
- Chris: Ladies.
- Lois: Okay, Donna. You wanna read yours?
- Donna: Oh, I didn't do mine.
- Lois: Wha!? Well, then you can't have anymore snacks. You just can't!
- Donna: Damn, that's steamy, Lois!
- Lois: Really?
- [A talking fogged up window is shown]
- Window: Uh, yeah, really. Phew, anyone mind if I open me? [opens self] Ahhhh, see you in the shower, ladies.
- Joe: Stairs. Why'd it have to be stairs?
- Peter: I started using these pills called "Stiff for Hours" from the gas station.
- Brian: A Stable Affair, by Lois Griffin. [secretly pissed off] Okay, another writer in the house.
- Quagmire: Alright, we'll help you, Peter but we're doing it, Quagsberry rules.
- Peter: What's that?
- Quagmire: A woman, or in this case, a man, has to do anything I say. No questions asked.
- Stewie: Never walk behind a horse! You would have to hate horses not to know that!
- Brian: [imitating Daffy Duck] You're despicable!
- [Peter begs his friends to let him out of the dungeon]
- Peter: I'm so hungry! Let me out! I'll tell you what. First guy that lets me out gets his own spin-off. Not you, Cleveland.
- Lois: [to Brian] Wait, let me get this straight. You, without asking, read something I wrote? Then, thinking I was revealing all my most intimate wants and desires, you thought that you could exploit what you read to seduce me? But, when you thought I might be cheating with someone other than yourself, you found that, and only that morally objectionable? And you bring Stewie here, who doesn't understand any of this?
- Stewie: I predict in the finale, everyone can understand me. That would make a good finale, right?
- Lois: I never thought a dog could be such a genuine piece of human garbage.
- [Stewie puts a horse behind Brian and takes out a shotgun]
- Stewie: Hey, Bri.
- [Stewie fires the shotgun, scaring the horse, and causing it to kick Brian across the room]
- Stewie: [feeding the horse] There's a good girl.
- Stewie: You know what I think we missed in all of this is that Lois wrote a beginning, middle, and end to something. What have you written lately, Brian?
- Brian: Well, nothing, but, I ... I think every writer knows how hard it is to be staring at that blank page.
- Stewie: Heh. Sounds like you did write something. Your career's obituary.
- Chris: Hi, this is Chris Griffin. Boy, Lois had some amorous adventures this week. But you know what really turns me on? Reading. Why don't you get yourself down to the library and open up a book? Here's a few of my favorite books. J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini, and of course, The Dirt, by Motley Crue. Seriously, read The Dirt. They snort a roll of live ants like cocaine. Remember kids, a library card is free, but knowledge is priceless. Get that dirt book.
- Brian: [in a quiet singing tone] Dog walking into a room, there's food left on the table, and owners aren't around. Just gonna do a little "paws on the table, side of the mouth dog-eating".
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Family Guy Lite's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 16 | Family Guy Season 17 | Season 18 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Married...With Cancer | #08 | Con Heiress | #15 | No Giggity, No Doubt | |||
| #02 | Dead Dog Walking | #09 | Pawtucket Pete | #16 | You Can't Handle the Booth! | |||
| #03 | Pal Stewie | #10 | Hefty Shades of Gray | #17 | Island Adventure | |||
| #04 | Big Trouble in Little Quahog | #11 | Trump Guy | #18 | Throw It Away | |||
| #05 | Regarding Carter | #12 | Bri, Robot | #19 | Girl, Internetted | |||
| #06 | Stand By Meg | #13 | Trans-Fat | #20 | Adam West High | |||
| #07 | Griffin Winter Games | #14 | Family Guy Lite |
| ||||