- Stewie: [Explaining his cat face paint to Brian] I'm a calico and my name is Humphrey.
- Lois: [While vacuuming] I HATE MY LIFE AND NOBODY CAN HEAR ME SAY IT RIGHT NOW.
- Stewie: Oh, it's a dog whistle.
- [Stewie blows the dog whistle and Brian covers his ears, screaming in pain]
- Stewie: I've always wondered what that sounds like to you.
- [Stewie blows the whistle again, and Brian hears the voice of Gilbert Gottfried]
- Gilbert: DOG WHISTLE! DOG WHISTLE! WHERE ARE YOU, DOG!?
- Stewie: What's with your gay character names, lately? Stacy Jacks, Jack Reacher? Who are you playing next?
- Tom Cruise: Oh, right. Try to make this sound gay. Next up, I play Headmaster Bates Mann.
- Stewie: Anything else?
- Tom Cruise: Actually yes. After that, I'll be taking the role of Major Dixon Butts, then Senator Rod Clutcher.
- [Stewie talks out loud, as he types up a text to Brian]
- Stewie: Brian, sorry I got testy. Let's bury the hatchet. If you're free, I'd love to hear about any new writing projects, you're working ...
- [Brian knocks on the door]
- Stewie: At least wait for me to send it.
- Stewie: Well, Brian. You seemed to enjoy belittling me, so I decided to belittle you.
- Brian: I'm sorry!
- Stewie: For what?
- Brian: For calling you a shrimp.
- Stewie: And?
- Brian: What do you mean, "And"?
- Stewie: Come on, you know what I want.
- Brian: And ... all four chairs would totally turn for you, on The Voice.
- Stewie: I'll have what she's having.
- Exterminator: Hi, I'm the exterminator.
- Peter: An Ex-Terminator? So, you used to be a Terminator?
- Exterminator: No, I kill rats and bugs.
- Peter: And Sarah Connor.
- Lois: No, Peter. We have a rat.
- Exterminator: My stuffs in my truck. [puts on shades] I'll be back.
- Vernon: My name's Vernon. I'm a water bear.
- Brian: Water bear? What's a water bear.
- Stewie: They're predominantly water-dwelling, eight-legged, segmented micro-animals. They're also known as a moss piglet or a tardigrade.
- Vernon: You can call me "Tardy", but I'm always on time.
- Black Water Bear: Flagellum? I don't even know 'em!
- Brian: I can't believe there's this whole universe, hidden here in your rug ... where everyone speaks English.
- Stewie: Okay, Brian, take the ride.
- Gay Water Bear: I'm the gay one, but ... I'm not ... like, doing the gay voice.
- Patrick Stewart Water Bear: Patrick Stewart!
- [Meg and Chris suffer through gaseous rat poison, and a portal to the other side opens and Prince comes out]
- Prince: Meg, Chris, come to the light.
- Chris: Meg, no! Don't do it! Don't go to Prince!
- Prince: Come to the purple light, Meg. Come taste infinity!
- Chris: Don't listen to him, Meg!
- Meg: But he's so talented and he's got so many drugs.
- Gay Water Bear: Oh my gay God!
- Stewie: [referring to a well-endowed pony at a birthday party petting zoo] The pony was magnificent.
- Lois: [oblivious to Stewie's comment] The pony was magnificent.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Big Trouble in Little Quahog's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 16 | Family Guy Season 17 | Season 18 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Married...With Cancer | #08 | Con Heiress | #15 | No Giggity, No Doubt | |||
| #02 | Dead Dog Walking | #09 | Pawtucket Pete | #16 | You Can't Handle the Booth! | |||
| #03 | Pal Stewie | #10 | Hefty Shades of Gray | #17 | Island Adventure | |||
| #04 | Big Trouble in Little Quahog | #11 | Trump Guy | #18 | Throw It Away | |||
| #05 | Regarding Carter | #12 | Bri, Robot | #19 | Girl, Internetted | |||
| #06 | Stand By Meg | #13 | Trans-Fat | #20 | Adam West High | |||
| #07 | Griffin Winter Games | #14 | Family Guy Lite |
| ||||