- Lois: You bought Vine and shut it down.
- Carter: I did what?
- Brian: [To Lois] So what'd you do with the gun?
- Peter: [attention drawn] Gun?
- Lois: [referring to Peter's performance during her 'birthday sex'] Unlike you, guns can actually fire.
- Chris: I don't think this marriage needs a gun.
- Lois: [Explaining to Meg why Babs can't take care of Carter] Well, she's busy. She went to Antarctica to steal a penguin.
- Peter: [attention drawn] Penguin?
- Babs: [Angrily holding a gun on the family after shooting Carter in the head] Who told Carter he could give away our fucking money?
- Peter: [With Carter back to his old self] Aww, the gunshot changed him back.
- Peter: Happy birthday, Lois. You know, today, you officially become the oldest woman I've ever slept with.
- Lois: Yes, you said the same thing last year.
- Peter: Well, unlike you, that joke never gets old. Oh, and I forgot to pick up the cake.
- Lois: I'm trying to explain that guns are hazardous and unsafe! Not have a conversation about a tepid 1990's Canadian sketch group.
- Carter: You're wrong about guns and comedy. I'm out of here! Buh-bye!
- [Carter leaves]
- Lois: Was that a tepid 1990's David Space reference?
- Carter: [offscreen] People are allowed to like things!
- TV Announcer: We now return to The Orville on FOX.
- [Peter shoots up the TV]
- Chris: Why do you hate that show so much?
- Peter: [voiced by someone else] Because it's preventing me from doing my work here at Family Guy.
- [Carter has a parrot on his shoulder]
- Carter: [whispering] Don't do anything to scare him. He flew on my shoulder, while I was having a lemonade.
- Lois: Daddy, I ...
- [Lois' talking frightens the bird, making it fly away]
- Carter: [angered] What?
- Dr. Hartman: Hey, quick question? Any of you guys know how to counter-sue somebody?
- Lois: Daddy living here is gonna be a big adjustment and we're all gonna have to make sacrifices. So Meg, Daddy will sleep in your room and Stewie and Chris, you stay where you are.
- Meg: What? I'm the only one sacrificing!
- Lois: Don't be ridiculous, Meg. I said everybody's names.
- [Peter replaces his skin with stained glass and sits at the dinner table]
- Chris: I don't get it.
- Stewie: Neither do I.
- [The sun shines on Peter, making the entire room rainbow]
- Chris: Oh my God!
- Stewie: Dad's beautiful!
- Peter: So, ideas. How do we make Carter mean again?
- Meg: Why don't we hire a prostitute to bring him almost to completion?
- Peter: Okay, don't love that my daughter came out of the gates with that.
- Meg: Why don't we take him to a truck stop bathroom and then after completion, we ...
- Peter: Okay, Meg. Are you trying to get a rise out of me? 'Cuz guess what, young lady. It worked.
- Meg: Well, at least I'm saying real ideas and not just repeating things I've seen in children's programming.
- Chris: Yeah, dad, I kind of agree with Meg. It seems like you're going for comedy over substance.
- Peter: I see. Well then, I have one last idea how to make Carter mean. [bursts into tears] Turn him into one of my kids!
- Peter: Alright, here's the plan. I clothespin his balls. Meg and Chris, you twist his nipples in opposite directions.
- Meg: I'm glad you came around.
- Lois: Guns create problems, but they solve them too.
- Peter: You said it, Lois. And you know why else has a gun? Stan Smith. Take it away, Stan!
- Lois: Peter, that's ... that show's not on after us anymore.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Regarding Carter's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
<< Season 16 | Family Guy Season 17 | Season 18 >> | ||||||
#01 | Married...With Cancer | #08 | Con Heiress | #15 | No Giggity, No Doubt | |||
#02 | Dead Dog Walking | #09 | Pawtucket Pete | #16 | You Can't Handle the Booth! | |||
#03 | Pal Stewie | #10 | Hefty Shades of Gray | #17 | Island Adventure | |||
#04 | Big Trouble in Little Quahog | #11 | Trump Guy | #18 | Throw It Away | |||
#05 | Regarding Carter | #12 | Bri, Robot | #19 | Girl, Internetted | |||
#06 | Stand By Meg | #13 | Trans-Fat | #20 | Adam West High | |||
#07 | Griffin Winter Games | #14 | Family Guy Lite |
| ||||