Family Guy Wiki
Family Guy Wiki
Family Guy Wiki
7,942
pages
in: Episodes, Season 20

First Blood/Quotes

< First Blood
Sign in to edit
Brian: Slippery slides are a nightmare of unexpected bumps and mishaps.
Stewie: Really? Cuz the multicultural kids on the box seem to be having fun.
[The multicultural kids on the box start talking]
Asian Kid: Hi!
Hispanic Kid: Hola!
Black Kid: I'm a real boy who was put here by a witch!
Stewie: Wow, Meg insisted one quarter of the grill be vegan and then she ate a rib in front of everybody. She's all over the place today.
Joe: You know, I'm pretty down too. The other day, I was watching the birthday section on Entertainment Tonight. Axl Rose is 60!
Peter: Wow, 60!? Cleveland, how old is Heavy D?
Cleveland: Dead.
Peter: Aw, that sucks.
Quagmire: We're not gunna change the earth with silence!
Wild: If I may say so, I think you boys need to stop sitting in bars and cubicles and go recapture your frontier spirit.
Peter: Two terrible airlines?
[The guys have a political argument]
Wild: Hey, whatever this is, wrap it up before yall show up to the ranch.
Peter: Yes sir and do we need special clothes for the ranch dressing?
Wild: I'd wrap that up too.
Quagmire: Hey, can I get a room far away from the ice machine?
Peter: Ice machine?
Quagmire: See, that's...That's why I wanna be away from it.
Joe: I thought it'd be fun like Young Guns with Kiefer Sutherland and Blue Diamond Walnuts.
Wild: Listen up, this isn't just a hat. It's an oath. An oath that you'll live by the cowboy's code of honor. You'll wear it at all times. You'll put it over your face when you sleep, over your chest when you're delivering bad news, and over your privates when an outhouse falls down comically around you.
Brian: Hey, Stewie.
Stewie: Oh, hey, Bri. Guess who woke up to a Red Dawn?
Brian: What?
Stewie: You know. Bobbin' with the Red Robin. Call off The Hunt for Red October, because we found it. Red Rover, Red Rover, can't go in the pool today, over.
Brian: None of these are actual phrases.
Stewie: Says the man. I'm having my period. It's like The Shining elevator down there. My 21st Century Box has been conquered by Eric the Very Red.
Brian: Yeah, this is getting dangerously close to a Will & Grace now.
Brian: Stewie, trust me. Boys can't get periods.
Stewie: Brian, it's 2022. There's no such thing as a boy anymore or a girl. Just a vast sea of chubby theys and thems, so coddled by their sanctimonious woke parents who think activism is virtue signaling on Instagram. If Martin Luther King could come back and see what people are doing in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
Brian: ...Maybe...Maybe you are having your period.
Wild: Hey, Peter. Just wanted to make sure you're okay.
Peter: Yeah, I was pretty bummed but then I found these great desserts labeled "cow pie".
[Peter eats dried cow poop]
Wild: Hmm. You're off to a bad start here, Peter. Just a real bad start.
Wild: You fellas ain't cowboys yet. Not until you blaze your own trails.
Peter: Buddy of mine in high school could blaze his own trail. Used to do it on the floor in the locker room and we'd be like AAAAAHHHH!!!
Wild: While I appreciate the anecdote, we like to keep our entendres singular around here, on the prairie.
Stewie: [to Rupert] No, I'm not going to ask about feminine hygiene issues on 4chan. You gotta relax with that site, man.
Rupert work
[Rupert works at his office, getting bombarded by texts from Stewie that he's trying to ignore, when his secretary comes in]
Secretary: I have Stewie on one. He says he's been trying your cell.
[The stapler is thrown across the room and the secretary leaves]
Secretary: [offscreen] Uh, Stewie? He just stepped into a meeting he'll have to return.
Stewie: I'm pregnant.
Brian: I'll pay to get rid of it! Uh,...I'm sorry. That's...That's just a reflex.
Stewie: Perhaps being pregnant with be more difficult than I thought and we still have to plan a gender reveal party. [to Rupert] Okay, would you rather do a cake reveal or burn Napa to the ground?
Brian: So, uh ... You know that you were never pregnant, right?
Stewie: Yes, I went to the hospital for a sonogram and got yelled at by an angry nurse. In case you were wondering whether she likes nonsense, she um,... he does not.
[Peter gets pinned down by a bear]
Peter: Uh-Oh. I'm gunna get Revenant-ed! Remember that movie we all said was amazing then immediately forgot?
Peter: Kids, don't ever do things you don't normally do. You'll just be punished for it.
Wild: Ladies, these grocery carts are an oath.
Lois: Pretty sure the male version of this is better.
Wild: I might say the same thing about Ghostbusters.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// First Blood's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes


Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.