- [Lois walks into Meg's room]
- Lois: Honey, give me any laundry you have. I'm doing a diapers and Meg load.
- Quagmire: How're you girls doin on popcorn?
- Girl: I'll take some.
- Quagmire: Here ya go.
- Lois: Meg, Kent's here!
- Meg: Just putting on my lipstick! [shaves, cuts] Dammit!
- Stewie: Rupert did you hear that? Meg's boyfriend is in love with me. Not that I care, I mean, it won't matter once I explain to him what's going on with us. But what would I tell him is going on with us?
- Stewie: Dear God, I have a shoe appointment in the morning and I want to be fresh!
- Dr. Hartman: Yeah that's... that's not supposed to be there so, she should probably always wear a hat.
- Lois: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it Bonnie. I've put Stewie in the oven a buncha times. As long as you come to your senses in 15 minutes, everything's fine.
- Peter: Lois, can I go slip'n'slide in the yard?
- Lois: Has it been half an hour since you've eaten?
- Peter: Yes. Almost.
- Lois: OK, I just wanna be sure you don't get a cramp.
- Peter: Yay, poor people water fun!
- Lois: Meg, are you asking... whether it's appropriate for a girl to ask a boy out on a date? Of course it's appropriate! It's also sad and desperate and I would never do it, but you're not me, are you, sweetie?
- Meg: Bye, Patty. Bye, Esther. Bye, overzealous Asian kids lining up to be the first ones in school tomorrow.
- Asian Student 1: Ah, go away! No time to say bye!
- Asian Student 2: Ha ha ha! I pass you 'cause you lose focus!
- Asian Student 1: Damn. Lost focus. Life over!
- Stewie: Hey! It's 10:30! I suggest you take your dope and go elsewhere!
- Meg: Chris, please just sleep with Kent, and then tell me all about it.
- Meg: [Regarding Kent] Come on, Chris; he'll do all the work.
- Chris: I said no, Meg!
- Meg: I'll pay you $100.
- Chris: Oh, fine. I'll keep it in my bum; there'll be plenty of room. That's my sarcastic way of saying it's not gonna happen!
- Quagmire: Roofies, huh? Pretty big pill for such a little girl.
- Meg: Yeah, I know, but I asked someone to do me a favor, and they're not too keen on doing it.
- Quagmire: Oh, I know what they're for, honey.
- Quagmire: Call me if you get arrested.
- Meg: I will. Thanks.
- Stewie: Clothes sure are a prison, aren't they?
- Stewie: What's this? Ooh, candy!
- Stewie: Do either of you know what poison ivy looks like?
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Friends Without Benefits's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 10 | Family Guy Season 11 | Season 12 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | Into Fat Air | #09 | Space Cadet | #17 | Bigfat | ||||||
| #02 | Ratings Guy | #10 | Brian's Play | #18 | Total Recall | ||||||
| #03 | The Old Man and the Big 'C' | #11 | The Giggity Wife | #19 | Save the Clam | ||||||
| #04 | Yug Ylimaf | #12 | Valentine's Day in Quahog | #20 | Farmer Guy | ||||||
| #05 | Joe's Revenge | #13 | Chris Cross | #21 | Roads to Vegas | ||||||
| #06 | Lois Comes Out of Her Shell | #14 | Call Girl | #22 | No Country Club for Old Men | ||||||
| #07 | Friends Without Benefits | #15 | Turban Cowboy | ||||||||
| #08 | Jesus, Mary & Joseph | #16 | 12 and a Half Angry Men | ||||||||
| 200 Episodes Later | |||||||||||