Handi-Quacks Theme Song
From the episode: "FOX-y Lady"
Singers: Peter Griffin
Voices: Seth MacFarlane

Handi-Quacks is the name of the television pilot Peter Griffin creates in "FOX-y Lady". The show is about three physically handicapped ducks by the names of Poopyface Tomatonose, Colonel Tushfinger and Red Hiney Monkey, who engage in a series of humorous capers. There was also a leftover duck looking like his wife Lois, called Bitchduck.

The plotline concerning the creation of the show focuses on Peter taking advantage of wife Lois' employment with Fox News Channel. Peter and his oldest children, Chris and Meg attempt to develop the show; Peter and Chris suggest inane, off-the-wall ideas that are enthusiastically received, while Meg's, which are down-to-earth and realistic, are scornfully rejected. This leads to her eventual dismissal from the project. Later, Peter hires Cleveland Brown, Joe Swanson and Glenn Quagmire as the voice actors.

The pilot episode is poorly produced and developed, and crudely animated. However, he did produce his own theme song. All seems as though Peter's "show" will be flatly and unmercifully rejected. Incredibly, FOX chief executive officer Peter Chernin enjoys it and agrees to air the show, but Peter rejects the offer when Chernin offers a minor character design change. Chernin suggested that Poopyface Tomatonose would have a plum nose instead of a tomato, and presumably changing the name of the character to Poopyface Plumnose. Chernin is impressed with Peter's passion about his work and relents on his suggestion, but Peter still refuses and later realizes his mistake.)

Theme lyrics

Peter: One day, three ducks were crossing the road

Goin' to get some soda

But they weren't looking where they were goin'

And the bus came along and hit them all

Now they're handicapped and. .

No . . . that's pretty much it!


And they never got their sodaaaaaaaaa!

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