- Principal Shepherd: Everyone, I wanna thank you all for helping us decorate for the fall dance.
- Meg: What's the theme of this dance anyway?
- Principal Shepherd: [annoyed laugh] I've been doing this a long time, Meg. Literally the next thing out of my mouth. The theme is climate change. Dance like it's the end of the world. We're going to ...
- Meg: But how do we even decorate for that?
- Principal Shepherd: [exasperated sigh] We're gonna pump the heat up to 92 and fill the gym up with 6 inches of water and then, you know, balloons, streamers, all that crap. So, thanks again and if anyone needs anything, just think. I'm hanging balloons. How could I possibly have a question?
- Meg: What do we even ...
- Principal Shepherd: [extremely angry] MEG!!! [takes a deep breath] [calm] Thanks guys.
- Esther: So, I'm pretty sure Bobby and I are finally gonna do it after the dance.
- Meg: [gasp] You're gonna have sex!?
- Esther: I'm talking about our suicide pact.
- Meg: [laughs] Oh my God. I was like, who is this girl?
- Cleveland: I think maybe the show's over.
- Bruce: Hey hey! It's the Megalodon!
- Meg: Bruce Almighty! What do it look like, Boyyyy!?
- Bruce: Listen, my shift's up in a few minutes. Can Iz interest you in half a lukewarm grilled cheese and cold fries?
- Meg: I'd like that.
- Bruce: And maybe after, we can take edibles and stare at the solar system carpet.
- Meg: Oh for sure.
- Bruce: I know a spot where there ain't too many spills.
- [Peter gets shot dead and wakes up in a laboratory]
- Peter: Whoa! Where am I?
- Scientist: You're a Westworld robot. You live in a computer generated simulation ...
- Peter: Yeah, I already don't care.
- [Peter wakes up in the hospital]
- Peter: What happened?
- Dr. Hartman: This should explain everything. [shows Peter the book, "A Farewell to Arms"]
- Peter: A Farewell to Arms. [gasp] I fell in love with a nurse during World War I!?
- Dr. Hartman: No, no. Just the title and there's no way you read that.
- Dr. Hartman: We couldn't reattach your arms.
- Peter: Oh my God!
- Dr. Hartman: Don't worry, they'll grow back. Just spread the seeds on, keep them watered, and watch them grow.
- [Peter appears in a Chia Pet commercial]
- Peter: P-P-P-Peter!
- Meg: Bruce, i ... is this a date?
- Bruce: Well, none of the other tables is shakin' they heads at us but it sure feels like one.
- Peter: Lois, can I please see you in Joe's kitchen?
- Lois: Don't you mean our kitchen?
- Peter: No, they have better snacks.
- Chris: Isn't that like a 50 year old gay guy?
- Brian: Stewie, isn't Bruce gay?
- Stewie: [scoff] How should I know? I should be the one asking you that.
- Brian: Okay?
- Stewie: Yeah, okay.
- Lois: Bruce, don't you live on our street?
- Brian: Yeah, I'm the house on the corner. You know the incongruous purple one with all the desert plants.
- Peter: Uh, yes I know it well. I left my dog's expulsions on your AstroTurf man times.
- Brian: Where are you two lovebirds off to?
- Meg: The waxing place. Bruce is getting a treatment. I'm just getting an estimate from my team.
- Stewie: [happily] Oh gross.
- [Meg watches Boys Beware]
- Meg: Is this Earth?
- Meg: My mother is so annoying. She's got some kind of hair across her ass about us.
- Bruce: Oh no!
- Meg I know!
- Lois: Peter, I'm sorry. I'm just not okay with out daughter marrying someone who is clearly gay.
- Peter: You know, you're starting to sound an awful lot like your own mother.
- Lois: [hysterical] It's not gonna be alright! It's never gonna be alright again if they go through with this! Peter we gotta do ...
- Peter: [slaps Lois with his tiny hand] Get ahold of yourself, woman!
- Bruce: Hey, hey, everybody. I'd like you to meet my parents, Phil & Candy Straight.
- Bruce: Yes, a heterosexual marriage. Just like you always wanted and I did to! All of us did!
- Phil: Well, as someone who doesn't get subtext, I just wanna say cheers!
- Lois: You look beautiful, Meg.
- Meg: Really? You think so?
- Lois: [clearly lying] Uh, ... uh-huh ... Yeah, yeah.
- Guy: The priest's voice faded out and now it'll fade back in to show he's further along in the ceremony.
- Bruce: Mom, dad, I'm gay!
- Peter: [offscreen] [gasp] WHAT!?
- Lois: [offscreen] Peter, you knew that.
- Stewie: This feels like an episode that someone would get a prize for in 1994.
- Candy: Maybe we should talk about this another time.
- Bruce: No! I wanna talk about it now! I'm gay and like all gay men, it was a choice I made when I couldn't find a table at the high school cafeteria.
- Peter: [breaking the fourth wall] Cork up those ink pots! We know that's not how it works!
- Bruce: Jeffrey! Will you marry me?
- Jeffrey: Oh yes!
- Meg: Bruce and Jeffrey love each other. They deserve to be happy and so do I.
- Peter: Meg, don't make this day about you.
- Jeffrey: Oh Bruce!
- Bruce: Oh Jeffrey!
- [The Kool-Aid Man breaks in]
- Kool-Aid Man: Oh ... No no no no no. [grabs the bible and leaves] No no no no no.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Meg's Wedding's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 18 | Family Guy Season 19 | Season 20 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Stewie's First Word | #08 | Pawtucket Pat | #15 | Customer of the Week | |||
| #02 | The Talented Mr. Stewie | #09 | The First No L | #16 | Who's Brian Now? | |||
| #03 | Boys & Squirrels | #10 | Fecal Matters | #17 | Young Parent Trap | |||
| #04 | Cutawayland | #11 | Boy's Best Friend | #18 | Meg Goes to College | |||
| #05 | La Famiglia Guy | #12 | And Then There's Fraud | #19 | Family Cat | |||
| #06 | Meg's Wedding | #13 | PeTerminator | #20 | Tales of Former Sports Glory | |||
| #07 | Wild Wild West | #14 | The Marrying Kind | |||||