[For the complete script, see: "Model Misbehavior" at the Transcripts Wiki]

Meg: Wow, this looks like my room!
Lois: Yeah, except for all the trophies and pictures of friends.

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?
Peter: No. No. I just-I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.

Peter: Oh my God: movable printing type. We must keep this from the serfs lest they gain literacy and threaten the landed gentry.

Peter: Wow! Lois, look at you! You look like Britney Spears!... Except you're not a fat guy.

Stewie: Oh and if the Cookie Monster calls, tell him I'm not talking to him until he gets out of rehab.
[cutaway to the Cookie Monster in rehab, rehab workers come in]
Rehab Worker: Contraband check.
[They find cookies in his bed]
Rehab Worker: What are these?
Cookie Monster: I don't know.
Rehab Worker: What do you mean you don't know?
Cookie Monster: I don't know how they got there.
Rehab Worker: Well, I think you do know!
Cookie Monster: No, really! Uh... Derek was in here earlier... um, he was in here makin' the beds, he probably put them in... I was in the john.
[The cookie monster then goes crazy and eats all the cookies on the plate. The workers pin him down on the bed]
[The workers sedate him]
Rehab worker: Shh, Sh, Sh,Sh,Sh.

Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois; and I'll pleasure myself with your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Ugh! Oh God, Meg, that's sick! That's your mother!
Meg: I'm just tryin' to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get of this house. [pause. Punches through wall] I said now! [Meg runs out; Peter shuts door] That's good about your modelling, Lois.

Meg: Dad, how could you be okay with Mom parading herself around like this? I mean, she's half-naked; it makes all women look bad.
Peter: Meg... who let you back in the house?

(Cookie Monster is in a bathroom stall pouring cookie dough onto a spoon and heating it with a lighter, ala a heroin junkie freebasing)
Cookie Monster: Come on! Come on! [Notices Lois] Go away!

Lois: [Points to Carter] So, what're we going to do with him?
Peter: Hey, wanna make him really mad, Lois? Let's have sex on his back like we used to!
Carter:What the? Eeewww! Eew, Eeewww!

Stewie: [To Brian] Let's see, something good, something good...you look like Snoopy and that makes me smile. Something that needs improvement...you have smelly dog farts. Something good, something good....

Brian: Other employees? Who else works here besides me?
Stewie: Fuck you! That's who works here!

Peter: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period!
Joe: Peter, shut up! It's 3 in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell's going on out there?
Quagmire: Dammit! People are trying to sleep!
Peter: I'm just saying I'm proud of her! She's a woman! Yay!
Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I'm exhausted!

Room with three black women: Mmhmm!

Stewie: [after firing Brian] And don't think about coming back and shooting up the place, because security has your picture.

Lois: Peter, I got a wax job, and let's just say you're cleared for a landing!

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