- Stewie: Alright, hold on, is this what your parents are paying all that tuition for...so you can fuck dogs?
- Consuela: Was already broken.
- Man: Roarin' twenten tidal waven!
- Brian: Well Rupert, this is a big mess.
- Stewie: [grabs Rupert] What the hell were you doing talking to him?!
- Stewie: Slow motion diving at you!
- Brian: Oh hey, Meg. What've you been up to?
- [Lois covers her ears in bed. Zoom out to Peter hold a gigantic plume feather in the form of a quill pen, and begins to write]
- Peter: "Dearest Augustine, I do hope this latest damp has not aggravated your grey lung." [dips his quill] Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip. "Matters stateside have taken a tragic turn as this year's gourd crop has fallen prey to a rather unexpected infestation of salt marsh cutworms." Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip.
- Lois: [sits up] Peter, it's 4 in the morning; come to bed!
- Peter: [writes further] "Marital concerns continue to bedevil me."
- [Two weeks later. Mort strolls thru the sidewalk with Stewie and Penelope behind]
- Penelope: Oh, bloody hell, how do you go two weeks without opening your wallet?
- Stewie: Hey, he's been out to dinner, like, four times!
- Penelope: We're clearly not going to get him this way.
- Stewie: I know which is why I just planted another bomb that's set to go off every time he burps into his hand.
- [Mort stops abruptly and burps into his hand; a giant explosion engulfs the scene, then settles and Mort lands onto the pavement]
- Mort: Ooohh, I'd better make sure my wallet's okay.
- [Peter is on his twin bed next to Quagmire]
- Lois: Peter, what's going on?
- Peter: Quagmire's havin' a sleepover with me.
- Lois: You can't be serious.
- Peter: Look, Lois, I told ya that I need to have somebody sleepin' next to me. Alright now, if that's not gonna be you...
- Lois: Fine, do what you want, I don't care, but I think it's very strange.
- Peter: Okay, that's the one thing that's not.
- Quagmire: Yeah, it's not strange.
- Lois: I already told you, I don't care. [switches lamp off and lies down]
- Quagmire: [to Peter] It's not strange.
- Peter: I know.
- Stewie: That Dr. Seuss reading was dreadful.
- [Cutaway]
- Storyteller: And when the drugs stopped numbing the pain, the sex became even more violent.
- Stewie: It doesn't rhyme.
- Storyteller: The new stuff doesn't rhyme!
- Stewie: So, I've always been about world domination. What the hell do you think I was talking about when I said "Victory shall be mine!"
- Brian: You have not said that in a very long time.
- Stewie: Well, I'm back on it.
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