- Peter: [to William Shatner] Yes, I have a question for Captain Kirk...in that episode where you drown your wife; Why are you so fat?
- [Lois, Peter and Meg are at the Star Trek Convention]
- Meg Griffin: Dad, this is stupid! I'm so bored!
- Peter Griffin: How can you be bored? This convention has everything! You can even try on LeVar Burton's visor.
- [Peter picks up the visor and wears it. People in his vision suddenly appear to look like Ku Klux Klan members holding torches and a shotgun]
- Peter Griffin: [screams, then removes the visor] Why would he wear these?!...Who would invent these for him?!
- [Stewie's bedroom, the entire cast of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" are standing on his transporter pad, with Stewie standing beside the transporter controls, exhausted]
- Stewie Griffin: [To the cast] This...was...exhausting. This whole experience, was absolutely...exhausting. You people have ruined Star Trek: The Next Generation for me, you are absolutely, the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with, I hope you all fucking die.
- Patrick Stewart: I still have five prize tickets from the Carnival.
- Stewie Griffin: There was nothing for five tickets. We've been over this!
- Patrick Stewart: Well, but, LeVar and I were going to pool ours for the fuzzy troll pencil topper.
- Stewie Griffin: Oh yeah? You gonna share that?
- LeVar Burton: Yeah, we were gonna share it.
- Stewie Griffin: Really? How's that gonna work?
- Patrick Stewart: Three days at my house, three days at LeVar's, and alternating Sundays.
- Stewie Griffin: For a pencil-topper?!
- Michael Dorn: I have to pee again.
- Stewie Griffin: That's it. Goodbye.
- [Stewie pulls a lever on the control panel, and the cast are dematerialized. The drink that LeVar was holding however, was not, and it falls to the floor, spilling everywhere]
- Stewie Griffin: Fuck!!
- Brian: I thought only he without sin could cast the first Prius.
- Peter Griffin: Ha!
- Brian: Ok, fine, the let me ask you this. If there were a God, would He have put you here on Earth with a flat chest and a fat ass?
- Meg Griffin: I'm made in His image.
- Brian: Really? Would He give you a smoking hot Mom like Lois and have you grow-up looking like Peter?
- Meg Griffin: Well...
- Brian: And what kind of God would put you in a house where no one respects and cares about you, not even enough to give you a damn mumps shot?!
- Cleveland: Hey, where the hell is my van?
- [Stewie and the cast of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" stop at the McDonald's drive thru]
- Marina Sirtis: Stewie, I'm not really much of a fast food eater.
- Stewie Griffin: Yeah, can you read my mind? Can you tell what I'm thinking right now? I'm thinking "shut up and get a salad."
- Brent Spiner: I want some McNuggets!
- Stewie Griffin: We'll get to you, Brent.
- Wil Wheaton: I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog, I want a milkshake...
- [Patrick Stewart punches Wil Wheaton in the back of the head]
- Patrick Stewart: You'll get nothing and like it!
- Stewie Griffin: Uh, hello?
- Employee: Yes, welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you?
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, hailing frequencies open, huh?
- [Stewie laughs]
- Stewie Griffin: Uh, yeah, uh, we're gonna get, uh, two McChicken sandwiches and a diet coke and...uh, uh, what do you want, Michael?
- Michael Dorn: A McDLT.
- Stewie Griffin: No, I already told you, they don't make those anymore.
- Michael Dorn: You know, sometimes it's a regional thing. You could ask.
- Stewie Griffin: No McDonald's anywhere makes a McDLT anymore.
- Jonathan Frakes: I'd love a shamrock shake if they got any of those.
- Stewie Griffin: It's September, Jonathan.
- [LeVar Burton has a visor on]
- LeVar Burton: Stewie, can I take this goddamn headband off?
- Stewie Griffin: No, LeVar. You're blind. That's the only way you can see.
- Michael Dorn: I'm just saying, they have all the ingredients for a McDL...
- [Some behind the van honks their horn]
- Stewie Griffin: Just hang on! Alright? There's a lot of us! There's a lot of-- it's a big order!
- Patrick Stewart: What time do they stop serving breakfast?
- Stewie Griffin: It's 3:00.
- Patrick Stewart: Some of them serve breakfast all day.
- Stewie Griffin: None of them serve breakfast all day!
- Michael Dorn: Do they have beer?
- Dr. Hartman: Well, Meg has the mumps alright. How is it she was never immunized?
- Peter: Well, it was 1992 and I couldn't be bothered with anything that didn't involved Dan Cortese. Besides, what's a big deal? I never got a mumps shot.
- Dr. Hartman: Really? Well, I caution you, that getting the mumps as an adult could result a serious complications. In some cases the symptoms could spread to the testicular glands.
- Peter: Big deal, so I wear socks.
- Dr. Hartman: Mr. Griffin, your testicles are not on your feet.
- Peter: Oh, where are they?
- Dr. Hartman: Under your penis.
- Peter: Are you kidding? I always thought those were two little sandbags to keep floodwaters from floating into my bum. No, no. I'm just poking at your funny bone. I am quite alarmed.
- Peter: That's right folks. It's gonna be a Meg episode. Stick around for the fun. Here's the clicker. No one'd blame ya.
- [When Stewie transports the cast of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” into his room]
- Stewie: Greeting everyone, my name is Stewie Griffin. I've transported you all here against your will. I'm a huge fan. And you are going to answer all my questions.
- Denise Crosby: But, you’re a baby.
- Stewie: Yes, that’s right, Denise Crosby. [shoots her with a Klingon phaser] That was a warning. Please do not speak unless you are spoken to. Now, question #1: what's it like on the set?
- Marina Sirtis: The show's been off the air for fifteen years.
- Michael Dorn: Although I will say it was an awful lot of fun, you know, when Patrick wasn't hogging the limelight.
- Patrick Stewart: Oh, fuck you, Michael! Fifteen years later, you've still got that attitude!
- Stewie: Oh, my God! I'm already having a fantastic time. Let's spend a day together!
- Wil Wheaton: Hey, that sounds like fun!
- Patrick Stewart: [slaps Wil in the back of the head] Shut up, Wil.
- Wil Wheaton: Stop it, Patrick!
- Stewie: You know, I think you should all be nicer to Hwil Hwheaton.
- Patrick Stewart: The way I treat my colleague... wait, what?
- Stewie: I said, you should be nicer to Hwil Hwheaton. Hwil Hwheaton seems like a nice guy.
- Patrick Stewart: Say "Wheat".
- Stewie: Wheat.
- Patrick Stewart: Now say "Wil Wheaton".
- Stewie: Hwil Hwheaton.
- Patrick Stewart: Wil Wheaton.
- Stewie: Hwil Hwheaton.
- Patrick Stewart: Wil Wheaton.
- Stewie: Hwil Hwheaton.
- Patrick Stewart: Wil Wheaton.
- Stewie: Hey, did you hook up with Hwhoopi Goldberg on the show?
- Patrick Stewart: All the time.
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| << Season 6 | Family Guy Season 7 | Season 8 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Love, Blactually | #07 | Ocean's Three and a Half | #13 | Stew-Roids | |||
| #02 | I Dream of Jesus | #08 | Family Gay | #14 | We Love You, Conrad | |||
| #03 | Road to Germany | #09 | The Juice Is Loose | #15 | Three Kings | |||
| #04 | Baby Not On Board | #10 | FOX-y Lady | #16 | Peter's Progress | |||
| #05 | The Man with Two Brians | #11 | Not All Dogs Go To Heaven | |||||
| #06 | Tales of a Third Grade Nothing | #12 | 420 | |||||