- Indiana Jones: Snakes...why did it have to be snakes?
- Snake: Elderly potheads...why did it have to be elderly potheads?
- [Brian vomits on the carpet]
- Peter: Oh Lois, your dog threw up.
- Neil Goldman: Hey Chris, I noticed you were sitting alone. Mind if I join you.
- Chris: Sure, we both have hats, makes sense.
- Peter: Alright Brian, it's time for you to take one of these pills from the vet.
- Brian: Uh yeah, right. Can we do what we normally where we roll it up in a piece of cheese like you're fooling me?
- Peter: Yeah, I guess. But then you're going to have cheese in your ass.
- Brian: Peter, get away from my ass!
- Meg: Look, I'd love to stay and talk Neil, but I have homework and there was no toilet paper in the girls bathroom.
- [As a child cranks his "Pete in the Box", "Pop Goes the Weasel" plays until Peter springs out and falls on the child]
- Peter: [inhaling loudly] ...GOES THE WEASEL!
- Principal Shepherd: [looking buff as he directs kids through the school hallway] Move along, gotta keep the hallway clear. This isn't because of my divorce.
- Chris: Good for him, he actually followed through.
- Meg: Thanks for doing my book report Neil. AND I didn't even have to change the handwriting because you write like a girl.
- Neil: You should see me throw.
- Chris: You know, If I didn't know better I'd think that FISH ARE GHOSTS and I'd also think that you're putting the moves on Meg.
- [Brian refers to Stewie as "master"]
- Stewie: Master? AND a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.
- [Brian finished tying Peter's bow tie]
- Peter: Thanks, Brian. I love the new you. That obedience school really schooled you in obedience.
- [Meg is at the theater with Neil]
- Meg: You know, this is nice. It's actually the first time I've been on a date since I got the nickname "gutter ball."
- [Dr. Hartman is at the theater with his dad and Seamus]
- Dr. Hartman: [irritated] Ok dad, you got us in, now just go.
- [Cleveland looks around at the Drunken Clam in a frightened manner]
- Quagmire: Cleveland, what are you looking at?
- Cleveland: I'm on edge. Saw Halloween II last night.
- Peter: Brian, go outside. Keep guard for Michael Myers.
- Cleveland: If he seem like he dead, he ain't dead.
- Neil: [sadly] I'm sorry Meg, but my friendship with Chris, is more important.
- Meg: You're a jerk, Neil!
- [Peter heaves rocks at Cleveland's door]
- Peter: This is b...'cause I'm drunk.
- Cleveland: [from inside] Move out, Irish trash.
- [Peter is concerned about Brian's docility]
- Lois: I think that we just have to accept that this is how he is now. Don't forget he bit you, Peter. I mean, what if he bit Stewie?
- Stewie: [calling from his bedroom] Why don't you bite me, bitch.
- [Stewie later considers his words]
- Stewie: [from his bedroom] I'm sorry, was that too harsh? It sounded more playful in my head.
- [After bonding with Brian again]
- Peter: And now I'm gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
- Brian: NO...We're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
- Peter: Good boy.
- Meg: Unbelievable. Brian throws up once and you rush him to the vet. I was throwing up all night last night!
- Peter: Good start. Keep it up, snack pack.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Once Bitten's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 12 | Family Guy Season 13 | Season 14 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | The Simpsons Guy | #07 | Stewie, Chris & Brian's Excellent Adventure | #13 | Dr. C & The Women | ||||||
| #02 | The Book of Joe | #08 | Our Idiot Brian | #14 | #JOLO | ||||||
| #03 | Baking Bad | #09 | This Little Piggy | #15 | Once Bitten | ||||||
| #04 | Brian the Closer | #10 | Quagmire's Mom | #16 | Roasted Guy | ||||||
| #05 | Turkey Guys | #11 | Encyclopedia Griffin | #17 | Fighting Irish | ||||||
| #06 | The 2000-Year-Old Virgin | #12 | Stewie Is Enceinte | #18 | Take My Wife |
| |||||