- Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a rant here, but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the First Battle of Antietam. I mean when a Neo-Conservative defenestrates, it's like Raskolnikov filibustered deoxymonohydroxinate.
- Peter: The hell does "rant" mean?
- Lois: Peter, it's just a phase. You've gone through a few yourself, you know.
- Brian: Yeah, like those two weeks you've spend narrating your own life.
- [in the Griffins' kitchen]
- Peter: [narrating] I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course, I never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow, I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I began to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with a long fatigue of a weary life... [Lois punches him in the face and leaves. Late in the night, Peter stills lays on the ground until...]
- Peter: I awoke several hours later in a daze.
- Chris: What's a library, Dad?
- Peter: Oh, it's just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM.
- Peter: Wow ... so it's true!
- Chris: Cool! I get to be black and Irish!
- Meg: Yeah, and now I can wear clothes that show off my big butt.
- Lois: Aww –! I gotta tell Bonnie I'm sleeping with a black man!
- Carter: How do you spell "Kichwa"?
- Peter: Yeah, y'know what? Screw the "Kichwa", make it out to "Peter" – P-E-T-E...
- Stewie: Heavens! It appears that my wee-wee has been stricken with rigor mortis.
- Quagmire: Dear Diary...Jackpot!
- Peter: Welp....time for me to be hittin' the old dusty trail. [Peter tries to get out]
- Peter: [to the man with dreadlocks] I like your hat. [Goes to other side]
- Peter: Can't get out this way. [Goes on other side and finds and breaks the fire alarm]
- Peter: Found the fire alarm.
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