- Peter: Okay, Lois, I'll make you a deal. We'll watch the tape, but, uhh..you gotta do somethin' for me.
- Lois: Okay. What?
- Peter: Do that Katharine Hepburn impression for me; a...and Philadelphia Story Hepburn, none of that head on a Slinky Golden Pond stuff.
- [in the motel room at night]
- Man 1: [offscreen] You got the stuff?
- Man 2: [offscreen] Yeah I got it, where's the money, huh? I want to see the money!
- Man 1: [offscreen] No, no, no, you don't see the money till I see the stuff!
- Stewie: Oh for God's sake, there's only one way to put an end to this nuisance. [shouting] He’s wearing a wire!
- Man 1: [offscreen] What?! you son of a…
- [in the motel room; Brian licks Stewie's head as they are both asleep]
- Stewie: [responding to a dream] Oh. That's it, Mr. Giraffe, get all the marmalade.
- [the phone rings; Stewie walks over to the heat radiator and touches it, mistaking it for a phone]
- Stewie: Hello? [burns his hand and releases] AGH! AGH! AGH! Oh, damn it to pus-spewing, blood-gutted Hell! Ogh..! [goes over to the ringing phone and picks it up] What!? What do you mean our credit card was declined? Oh-n-n-n-n-n-no, there's no need to come up. We'll...we'll...Oh blast! [trips] Dammit! [climbs onto bed and pulls Brian's collar] Oh..come on, you, get up. Come on! Go for a ride in the car? [trying to wake Brian, he pulls the duvet but slides under the bed] BLAST! Ooh, a penny.
- Brian: Oh crap, we gotta disappear and quick. [a truck drives past and both vanish, but further right they're still on the pavement] Maybe we should've jumped on that truck.
- Peter: Jeez, can we not talk about curtains for two seconds? I got another one of those relationship tapes. [Lois snatches tape]
- Lois: $49.95? That's three times as much as the first one.
- Peter: Lois, our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes. I...I mean, nickels and boobs. [pause] Money. [runs off] I'll be upstairs.
- Chris: Okay, Meg, I'm thinking of another word; this time it's definitely not kitty. Can you guess what it is?
- Meg: Is it kitty?
- Chris: Aargh! Get out of my HEAD! GET OUTTA MY HEAD!
- Brian: You could be in magazines. You could. And not just Juggs or Creamsicle.
- Stewie: Oh, here's a pleasant sight; cirrhosis the wonder dog.
- Stewie: Oh God, you're not coming out of the closet are you? Ugh, why does everyone always come out to me?
- Brian: I'm not drunk, I have a speech impediment.
- Man: Aren't you a little young to be traveling alone?
- Stewie: Aren't you a little old to be wearing braces?
- Stewie: Hello? Operator? Hello? Oh God, that's right. You have to punch in the numbers nowadays. I should know this. Oh yes. 867-5309. That's it. No, wait. That's not it. Damn you, Tommy Tutone! Only one thing to do. 111-1111. Lois? Damn. 111-1112. Lois? Damn! 111-1113.
- Motel Manager: Motel manager! Open up, or I'll hit you with this blunt instrument I use to hit deadbeats with bad credit cards! Well, it's not an instrument. It's more of an object, but it's blunt. Hard and blunt. And, well, it's kind of like a bat. I found out out back one day when I was raking.
- Brian: I just need some time to think, all right?
- Stewie: Yes, yes, you've got lots to think about, haven't you? Public drunkenness, grand theft auto...
- Brian: You left out the part where I made you smash your head on the windshield.
- Stewie: Well, I don't recall... [Brian slams the brakes, launching Stewie into the windshield] Yes, well, I suppose I walked right into that one.
- Man 1: I don't trust you! You put your seed in my daughter's belly! You're fired!
- Man 2: But Pa! You can't fire me!
- Man 1: You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you!
- Stewie: I say, walk slower, dog! My Huggies are already holed up in Box Canyon.
- Peter: Usually beautiful women don't turn back into you until after I'm finished.
- Peter: Lois! This is not what it looks like. She means nothing to me.
- Stewie: I read that starlight gives you cancer, but then again, what doesn't these days?
- Brian: Thanks for not ratting me out. Is there anything I can do to pay you back?
- Stewie: Oh, yes. You remember that episode of The Brady Bunch where Bobby saved Greg's life and Greg became his slave?
- Brian: Yup.
- Stewie: It's on this afternoon. You can tape it for me, and put a nice label on it.
- Lois: Oh, Peter. I love you.
- Peter: Uh, about a quarter past five.
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