- Stewie: [referring to Meg] My God, is she gonna do me next?
- Brian: I'm going to cut my ear to prevent World War II.
- Brian: Lesbians...and deaf people...wear the same clothes...
- Chris: You're a fucking bitch!
- Meg: Yes. Yes, I am.
- Meg: (to Peter and Lois) Have either of you guys been listening to me?! Do you both just have your heads up your asses?!
- Chris: Dad did! Look, he's got crap on his ears!
- Peter: That's unrelated.
- Lois: Chris, I don't like that language.
- Chris: Well, I don't like your cooking!
- Lois: I don't like having to literally empty the farts out of your pockets whenever I do your laundry.
- Chris: You're the one who's always cooking Brussel sprouts and broccoli! It's like an Irish bar fight down there!
(cutaway to a piece of broccoli and a Brussel sprout fighting)
- Broccoli: You're from one town over, so I hate your guts.
(they both then start punching each other)
- Chris: WHY DON'T WE EVER GET ANY GOOD FOOD?!!
- Peter: Yeah, Bonnie gives Joe wonder bread.
- Lois: Well, go live at Bonnie's house! Then, I could finally sleep in and not have to answer your stupid questions at 5 a.m.!
- Peter: My curiosity petes in the morning!
- Chris: You eat all my Dannon yogurts!
- Peter: I don't see your name on 'em!
- Chris: You don't even like 'em, but you know I do, and you don't want me to have 'em!
- Lois: You know, I've never confronted you on it, but I've often thought the same thing, Peter.
- Meg: Yeah, that's exactly what he does, 'cause he's a selfish, fat idiot!
- Peter: Shut up! All of youse! (runs upstairs, and then turns to the family with tears in his eyes) I didn't ask to be in this family!
- Lois: I'll go get him. (picks up Stewie) Peter, you come back here!
- Chris (shouting at Meg): I faked all my orgasms!
- Stewie: Y'know, Brian, you may be a dog, but you're a pretty cool cat.
- Singers: [singing with the on-screen caption] Stewie just said that!
- Stewie: Take it home wit ya!
- Megroach: I think you gave me worms, Brian!
- Lois: Wanna have sssssex?
- Monster Quagmire: Groggety!
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