- [Stewie criticizes Brian's texting and driving]
- Stewie: That was a stroller, not a speedbump.
- [Stewie tries to give Chris advice on how to handle bullies]
- Chris: What if I said "Hey there shortie!"?
- Stewie: I'd say "Have another donut, you albino gorilla."
- Peter: Smoke break!
- Man: Nothing will ever be funnier than misunderstandings.
- Chris: I mean... you have... a vulva and fallopian tubes.
- Girl: Finally, a guy who listens!
- Principal Shepherd: There's like no one hot at this school this year.
- Stewie: Other people live here!
- Dr. Hartman: How many Vicodins for you to just leave me alone?
- Lois: Forty.
- Old Stewie: Back in my day, we had Katy Perry and Justin Bieber. That was real music.
- [Lois and Peter are wearing Mario Lopez masks]
- Peter: We both go Latino, but soft Latino.
- Principal Shepherd: I don't care what the courts say. Let's thank the Christian God together.
- Stewie: You can't hold me prisoner in here forever!
- Chris: Why not? Name one person who loves you.
- Stewie: Wow, not a proportional response.
- Stewie: You're not getting it, Chris, are you? You were being bullied day in and day out, so I tried to help you. I tried to be a good brother, and you've repaid me with abuse. You're the bully, Chris Griffin!
- Stewie: [To Chris] I may no longer be on your back, but I'll always be on your side.
- Principal Shepherd: Life's not as easy as you think it's gonna be right now.
- Peter: Well, I finally quit smoking and I'm ready to go back to normal!
- Lois: Peter, that's not how it works. The damage you've done is irreversible.
- Brian: Yeah, Lois is right. As bad as you look, the damage you've done to your heart and your lungs is, no doubt, exponentially worse.
- Peter: What?! Well try cuttin' to the outside of the house over some music. That usually works.
- [Cuts away to outside of house, then back inside with Peter still looking bad]
- Peter: Fuck!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Secondhand Spoke's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 11 | Family Guy Season 12 | Season 13 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | Finders Keepers | #08 | Christmas Guy | #15 | Secondhand Spoke | ||||||
| #02 | Vestigial Peter | #09 | Peter Problems | #16 | Herpe, the Love Sore | ||||||
| #03 | Quagmire's Quagmire | #10 | Grimm Job | #17 | The Most Interesting Man in the World | ||||||
| #04 | A Fistful of Meg | #11 | Brian's a Bad Father | #18 | Baby Got Black | ||||||
| #05 | Boopa-Dee Bappa-Dee | #12 | Mom's the Word | #19 | Meg Stinks! | ||||||
| #06 | Life of Brian | #13 | 3 Acts of God | #20 | He's Bla-ack! | ||||||
| #07 | In Harmony's Way | #14 | Fresh Heir | #21 | Chap Stewie | ||||||