- Stewie: Look at this, Brian. Genderless baby announcement.
- Brian: It's a they.
- Stewie: Good for they.
- Joanna: I'm getting my friend a birthday card in Spanish ... but he doesn't speak Spanish! [laughs]
- Stewie: Oh-ho-ho-ho! He's not gonna know what it says! Oh, you're bad.
- Mort: Go on! Scoot! Get out of here! Or I'll do the cliche pharmacy price check jokes.
- Brian: You wouldn't dare.
- Mort: [over the intercom] Yes, I need a price check on extra small condoms!
- Joanna: [offscreen] [laughs] That's the last thing he'd wanna announce! [laughs] Oh, God!
- Brian: Can you believe he threw us out? That's discrimination! It's just like what happened to those blacks at Starbucks.
- Stewie: Those blacks?
- Lois: Look at this picture of Shailene Woodley. She's so talented and overrated and weird. I love her. Isn't her hair cut cute? Maybe I'll get my hair cut short too.
- Peter: Wha ... n ... no! No way! I forbid it!
- Lois: What? You can't forbid that.
- Peter: Yes I can. That's the one thing men are allowed to control about women. That and your uterus and how much money you make and also everything else.
- Peter: Establishing shot!
- Tom: We're here with local hero, Brian Griffin, who recently foiled a robbery at Goldman's pharmacy, which by the way is getting its ass kicked by the CVS across the street.
- Stewie: Shredder? He sounds like a ski instructor with a full beard who plays average guitar and never texts me back.
- Brian: He's a dog I used to run with back when I was living on the street. I haven't heard from him in years. I'm actually surprised he's still alive. He just drank all the time and tried to get laid. Hard to be friends with someone like that.
- Stewie: Yes, it is.
- [Lois enters with a pixie cut]
- Peter: Excuse me, sir but this is a private residence.
- Peter: You look like Anne Hathaway in Les Misera-
- [Lois slaps Peter across the face]
- Lois: [infuriated] DON'T YOU EVER COMPARE ME TO FUCKING ANNE HATHAWAY! EVER!
- Peter: [cowering] You're right. You're right. I'm ... I'm sorry.
- Peter: With my boobs and your hair everybody's gonna think we're a lesbian couple.
- George: So, Brian. Do you wanna know how I did all this?
- Brian: I really do.
- George: I got neutered.
- Brian: [winces in discomfort] But why?
- George: Getting neutered eliminated all distractions and allowed me to focus solely on my work. Sometimes you have to literally cut out the things that hold you back.
- Brian: I love that book, Charles Dickens by David Copperfield. Writing was his real magic.
- Peter: I just don't understand. One minute I got a hot ginger wife and the next, I'm married to Ron Weasley.
- Cleveland: Donna wears a wig so I've never even seen her real hair but I would imagine it looks like an old faded sweater that needs to be depilled.
- Peter: The punchline is it was 9/11.
- Brian: I'm gonna write an inspirational book about my life and I'm calling it The Holy Brible.
- Stewie: Please don't.
- Brian: I've always believed I was destined for a life like yours but something was holding me back. Now I realize, it was two things.
- Stewie: Brian, are you sure about getting neutered?
- Brian: I am. You've seen everything George Townsend's accomplished. That's the life I've always dreamed of.
- Stewie: Yes, but how much do you really know about him? Have you read his books?
- Brian: Course I've read his books. They changed my life. Look, Stewie. This is a huge step for me and if you can't support me, well then maybe I should cut you out of my life too.
- [Brian storms off into the closet]
- Stewie: Brian, that's a closet.
- Brian: [offscreen] I know. I have stuff to do in here.
- Bentley: Hey. You want a half of my sandwich?
- Peter: Oh. Yeah, very cool Bentley. Who made this?
- Bentley: My wife.
- Peter: Oh, you ... your wife with AIDS?
- Bentley: She doesn't have AIDS! She did a walk for people with AIDS!
- Peter: But presumably there were people with AIDS at the walk?
- Bentley: Yeah but you can't get ...
- Peter: That's a no on the sandwich, Bentley.
- Peter: I'm gonna make one political donation with your email address, so you'll be screwed for life!
- Lois: I'm going to rededicate my life to Christ.
- Peter: Oh, that's really bad!
- George: You abandoned me. You promised we'd be there for each other forever. Then the minute Peter Griffin came along, you just got in his car and left me.
- Brian: I was gonna come back and get you and ... and then ... and then Trump happened and ... and ... all that.
- Meg: So, anyone wanna ask me about my week? ... Kind of a big week for the Megster ... Big envelope in the mail ... Yep, early admittance ... Day 1, August 26th. Clean slate.
- Peter: Closing credits.
- Joe: [offscreen] CONGRATULATIONS ON BOWDOIN MEG!
- Peter: Closing credits!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Short Cuts's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 17 | Family Guy Season 18 | Season 19 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Yacht Rocky | #08 | Shanksgiving | #15 | Baby Stewie | |||
| #02 | Bri-Da | #09 | Christmas is Coming | #16 | Start Me Up | |||
| #03 | Absolutely Babulous | #10 | Connie's Celica | #17 | Coma Guy | |||
| #04 | Disney's The Reboot | #11 | Short Cuts | #18 | Better Off Meg | |||
| #05 | Cat Fight | #12 | Undergrounded | #19 | Holly Bibble | |||
| #06 | Peter & Lois' Wedding | #13 | Rich Old Stewie | #20 | Movin’ In (Principal Shepherd’s Song) | |||
| #07 | Heart Burn | #14 | The Movement | |||||