- Rupert: Hey, everybody, just so you know, I'm straight!
- 1st German Soldier: Heil Hooters!
- Otto: Careful, it might be a "booby-trap".
- [Observing the Titanic sinking firsthand]
- Chris: This would make a great movie.
- Stewie: Alright Chris, it's 1798 and we're in the home of Jane Austen.
- Chris: Jane Austen? I don't think she's on my history test Stewie.
- Stewie: Oh, I know. We're just here to release pent up time travel farts.
- Chris: Awesome!
- Brian: Yeah!
- Stewie: Wait a minute. Pre-Soviet Russia? This wasn't on the manifest.
- Brian: Yeah, this is kind of a personal thing. [approaches Ivan Pavlov] Hey, Pavlov, you dog teasing dick! How's this for positive reinforcement?! [Brian bludgeons Pavlov to death with one of his bells and then spits on his corpse] All right, where to next?
- Chris: I want to kill more scientists!
- [In a flashback]
- Teacher: Peter Griffin?
- Peter: There.
- Peter: I'm gonna help you study by nailing your door shut. That way, you'll have no choice but to hit the books. Ah crap, I left my phone in there. Damn it, it's nailed shut.
- Chris: Dad, it looks like some girl sent you a picture of her privates.
- Peter: Ah crap! [Axing down the door] Lois, I don't have the phone! Stop sending pictures!
- Lois: I already sent four more!
- Peter: Chris, put down the phone! Don't look at those!
- Chris: Wait a minute. That's both her hands! Who the hell is taking the pictures?
- Peter: All right, gimme that phone and get back to work, and before you judge your mother, you did most of that damage.
- Stewie: We'll just tell Chris he's dreaming because I don't want him to know about my time machine.
- Brian: Why not?
- Stewie: It's like having a pickup truck; once people know you got one, there go your weekends.
- Stewie: The year is 1803.
- Chris: Ah, the future.
- Italian Man: Hey Family Guy, you're lucky I got a manicotti in the oven, or I'd bash your face into a bolognese. That's two kinds of food; that's how angry I am.
?
- Italian Man: That's two!
- Brian: Chris, there you are.
- Chris: Well, well, well. If it isn't Booger Breath and the Mushroom Tip.
- Stewie: Which one of us is which?
- Chris: [As the Titanic begins to flood] This would make a great movie.
- Brian: Looks like one ship was saved today: a relationship.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Stewie, Chris & Brian's Excellent Adventure's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 12 | Family Guy Season 13 | Season 14 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | The Simpsons Guy | #07 | Stewie, Chris & Brian's Excellent Adventure | #13 | Dr. C & The Women | ||||||
| #02 | The Book of Joe | #08 | Our Idiot Brian | #14 | #JOLO | ||||||
| #03 | Baking Bad | #09 | This Little Piggy | #15 | Once Bitten | ||||||
| #04 | Brian the Closer | #10 | Quagmire's Mom | #16 | Roasted Guy | ||||||
| #05 | Turkey Guys | #11 | Encyclopedia Griffin | #17 | Fighting Irish | ||||||
| #06 | The 2000-Year-Old Virgin | #12 | Stewie Is Enceinte | #18 | Take My Wife |
| |||||