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in: Episodes, Season 14

Take a Letter/Quotes

< Take a Letter
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Lois: I don't want Stewie in that school anymore. It seems like it's really gone downhill.
Stewie: She's not wrong to worry. There's a sign in the bathroom that says "If it's brown, let it mellow." Sometimes it crests the toilet lid.
Cleveland: Oh no, it's that Amazon drone! Try to ignore it.
[A talking Amazon drone flies over Cleveland and follows him]
Drone: Hey, Cleveland, what are you doing? Taking a walk?
Cleveland: No, I'm delivering mail.
Drone: By foot? Yeah, that won't take too long. Well, gotta go. Gotta deliver these fat pants to your fat son.
Cleveland: He was harsh, but not untruthful. We gotta special order Junior's pants that manufactures grill covers.
Bonnie: You could always just ask Peter about it.
Lois: No, he won't talk about anything serious, unless there's a crackling fire to punctuate uncomfortable family revelations.
[Cutaway to Peter and Lois talking in front of a fire place]
Lois: I didn't fall off the roof, I jumped.
Peter: I never found you attractive, and once more, I never respected you.
Lois: I know about Maurice.
Peter: Which Maurice?
Stewie: I'll be as popular as the first kid in school to get his driver's license.
[Cutaway to a kid in school with a bunch of girls surrounding him]
Girl 1: Hey, I heard you got your license. Maybe after school, you could take me to get some groceries.
Girl 2: Yeah, or maybe you and me could hop in that car of yours and do some grocery shopping.
Girl 3: Looks like you have a roomy backseat. I can't wait to fill that with groceries after school.
[Stewie comes up on screen, and asides to the fourth wall]
Stewie: Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.
[Peter opens the door and sees Gretchen again for the first time in years]
Peter: Gretchen? Wow, you look great.
Gretchen: Yeah, I didn't have kids.
Gretchen: Well, my answer is yes, Peter. Yes, I will marry you!
Peter: Gretchen, I am already happily ... moderately hap ... I am ... I am married.
Gretchen: Oh, then I suppose your wife is entitled to know that you were still in love with me, just days before your wedding.
Peter: Blackmail!
[Cleveland shows up on screen giving Peter his mail]
Peter: Thank you, Cleveland ... and I don't know what to call the thing you're doing to me, lady!
Stewie: Please let me explain! I was just worried you wouldn't accept me because ... I'm not wealthy like you.
Chadley: Stewie, it's not that you're poor. It's that you lied to us and you're poor.
House Owner: Excuse me, is one of you Chadley? You left your wallet inside.
Stewie: [mischievously] Chicka chicka!
House Owner: Well, that "chicka chicka" makes me think that you're not Chadley.
Stewie: Oh no, I "chicka chicka-d" too early!
Peter: Ooh! A text! [reading text] I'm taking care of our problem. We'll be together soon. Love, Gretchen. [to Meg] Meg, you're kind of a loner psychopath. What does this mean?
Meg: Oh, this woman is clearly a spurring lover who's planning to kill Mom.
Peter: Ah, thank you ... Aaaaah! ... You're a good dog, Meg ... Aaaaah!
[Peter and Lois make out]
Lois: Oh, Peter.
Peter: Now, let's get it on through a PO box.
[Peter is seen with his body pressed against the PO box, with Lois being heard on the other side]
Lois: Peter, this isn't working.
Peter: Well, I'm in full go, are you sure you're in the right box?
Lois: Yes.
Peter: Box 528?
Lois: Yes, 528!
Peter: Alright, just reach in and grab it.

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