- Brian: Could you close the gate? A couple o' calves got loose. Pow!
- Al Harrington: Short but handsome slightly hairy newly single salesman!
- Brian's Heart: Brian, this is your heart. What the hell do you think you're doing, man? Stop.
- Brian's Penis: Brian, this is your penis. Don't listen to him. We're this close to bone city.
- Peter: Brian, I'm here too. I'm hanging out with your penis and your heart.
- Stephen King's ghostwriter: Scary stuff, scary stuff, scary stuff, ding! Scary stuff, scary stuff, scary stuff, ding! Scary stuff, scary stuff, scary stuff, lunch!
- Peter: Come on, Joe. You can't be afraid. What if Bono had been afraid to wear sunglasses? Then nobody would know about Africa.
- Lois: Was someone wearing my new high heels?
- [Brian points to Stewie]
- Stewie: You dick.
- Brian: Hey, you made it! So, you ready to watch me kick some ass?
- Stewie: Brian, I think you've taken all of this too far. You know, there IS such a thing as too much exercise.
- Brian: Stewie, I know you're worried, alright? And no offense, but I'm not taking advice from a guy who eats bread.
- Stewie: Brian? Why does everything you touch turn to garbage?
Previous Episode's Quotes /// The Book of Joe's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 12 | Family Guy Season 13 | Season 14 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | The Simpsons Guy | #07 | Stewie, Chris & Brian's Excellent Adventure | #13 | Dr. C & The Women | ||||||
| #02 | The Book of Joe | #08 | Our Idiot Brian | #14 | #JOLO | ||||||
| #03 | Baking Bad | #09 | This Little Piggy | #15 | Once Bitten | ||||||
| #04 | Brian the Closer | #10 | Quagmire's Mom | #16 | Roasted Guy | ||||||
| #05 | Turkey Guys | #11 | Encyclopedia Griffin | #17 | Fighting Irish | ||||||
| #06 | The 2000-Year-Old Virgin | #12 | Stewie Is Enceinte | #18 | Take My Wife |
| |||||