[For a complete script, see: "The Marrying Kind" at the Transcripts Wiki]
- Lois: Woohoo! New Orleans! I can't wait to get up on the balcony and bust out the twins! Ha ha! Did you hear what I said, Meg? I said I can't wait to get up on the balcony and bust out the ...
- Meg: [unamused] Yeah, I heard you.
- [Stewie's hair poofs up]
- Stewie: Feels a little hoooooooomid.
- Peter: How did that Muppet song get in my head?
- [Cutaway gag to Peter listening to The Muppet music in a van driving off a bridge]
- Peter: Oh, yeah, it was playing when we Inceptioned.
- Rachel: Mort, may my plantar fasciitis act like roots for our tree of love.
- Mort: Rachel, with you by my side, there is no Christmas display that I can't sue the city over.
- Rachel: I vow to keep you nourished by filling our home with the worst wine in the world and preparing potatoes and applesauce, just like nobody.
- Rachel: You are the plastic covering to my furniture.
- Rachel: May we continue to have no respect for other drivers on the road and view stop signs as suggestions.
- Mort: May my dead ex-wife's uncle's Netflix account continue to be fruitful to us for many years to come.
- Brian: Always nice coming back to your own house, huh?
- Stewie: This isn't your house. It's my dad's.
- Delivery Man: I have a package for Stewie Griffin.
- Stewie: Day just starting or ending?
- Delivery Man: Smack dab in the middle.
- Stewie: Oh, dude. Brutal. Well, welcome to the back nine.
- Lois: Well, I'd advise you space cadets to come back to earth because I'm only making one thing. Okay. Meg, did you hear what I said? I said, I'd advise you space cadets to come back to earth because ...
- Meg: [slams plate off table in annoyance] YEAH, I HEARD YOU!
- Peter: Now, if asked, we're brothers from Sweden, same mom, different dad.
- Chris: Well, shouldn't it be same dad, different mom?
- Peter: No, no, no. The Swedes have a very long fertility window, Chris.
- Peter: Now grab a yogurt that's way smaller than you knew they made yogurts.
- Chris: And you grab an orange juice that doesn't taste like orange juice, but like someone described the taste of orange juice to an alien.
- Zolata: I like black man in glasses.
- Stewie: Listen, I can't talk right now. My dog is banging my wife.
- Brian: Look, Stewie, I'm sorry. I honestly didn't think you'd care. It's not like you're having sex with her.
- Stewie: I know, right? Once they say "I do", they don't.
- Chris: [narrating his crime story] In the end, Dad figured out a way we could keep eating breakfast together. We just had to kill a guard or two. Actually, we had to kill a bunch of guards. It was bad. It became a so-so Netflix documentary that Mort and Rachel were able to watch with his dead wife's uncle's password.
- Doug: Hey, Stewie.
- Stewie: Hey, Doug.
- Doug: Oh, I heard about Splitsville. Uh, that's why I prefer the bachelor life. Just me, my big wheel, and the doll I draw private parts on.
- Levi: You're alright, Griffin ...
- Stewie: Levi?
- Levi: ...for a [censored].
- Stewie: Stop using that word!
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| << Season 18 | Family Guy Season 19 | Season 20 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Stewie's First Word | #08 | Pawtucket Pat | #15 | Customer of the Week | |||
| #02 | The Talented Mr. Stewie | #09 | The First No L | #16 | Who's Brian Now? | |||
| #03 | Boys & Squirrels | #10 | Fecal Matters | #17 | Young Parent Trap | |||
| #04 | Cutawayland | #11 | Boy's Best Friend | #18 | Meg Goes to College | |||
| #05 | La Famiglia Guy | #12 | And Then There's Fraud | #19 | Family Cat | |||
| #06 | Meg's Wedding | #13 | PeTerminator | #20 | Tales of Former Sports Glory | |||
| #07 | Wild Wild West | #14 | The Marrying Kind | |||||