- Chris: Yay! A crossover always brings out the best in each show! It certainly doesn't smack of desperation. The priorities are always creative and not driven by marketing...
- Stewie: Okay, that's enough.
- Brian: I guess we're in a town called Springfield.
- Stewie: Springfield, eh? What state?
- Brian: I can’t imagine we’re allowed to say.
- Lois: Oh, this Springfield place looks nice. We should visit here again.
- Brian: I dunno, Lois. This seems like a one-shot deal.
- Peter: Don’t drink the water. Everyone around here looks like they have hepatitis.
- Lois: Thank you so much for putting us up until we find our car.
- Marge: And thank you for not being a band of hippie murderers.
- Peter: [to Apu] Hello, Funny-Sounding Cleveland!
- Homer: Apu, a dozen donuts for our albino visitors.
- Peter: Mmm. Yummy. Donut.
- Homer: That's pretty good, but try it like this. Mmm...donut...
- Peter: Mmm...donut...
- Homer: I think you and I are gonna get along juuuuuuust okay.
- Bart: Eat my shorts!
- Stewie: "Eat my shorts." I love that! Is that a popular expression like "What the deuce"?
- Brian: Probably more popular.
- Moe: Moe's Tavern, Moe speakin'.
- Bart: Uh, yeah, I'm lookin' for a friend, last name Kebum, first name Leigh.
- Moe: Eh, hang on, I'll check. Uh, hey, guys, do I got a Leigh Kebum? C'mon, look at the stools. Uh, is there a Leigh Kebum? Somebody check the rear, I know I gotta Leigh Kebum.
- Barney: Then you probably shouldn't be handling food!
- Stewie: Hello, Moe? Your sister's bein' raped!
- Bob Belcher: Yeah, we did it!
- Homer: What's he doin' here?
- Peter: Oh, we gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened.
- Cleveland: No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!
- Homer: Alright, Peter, If we're gonna find your car, we gotta think like a car. So let's fill up at that gas station.
- [After the two drink gasoline]
- Peter: I feel sick.
- Homer: Keep drinking! I prepaid 40 bucks!
- Peter: Homer, maybe we're doing this wrong.
- [They see a woman put a gas pump into the rear of the car where it's located]
- Peter: Oh crap.
- [After Homer drinks some Pawtucket Patriot Ale]
- Peter: That's pretty good, right?
- Homer: No. It's not good. This beer tastes exactly like Duff. It's just a lousy ripoff.
- Peter: Hey, whoa whoa whoa! It's not a ripoff of Duff! It may have been inspired by Duff, but I...I like to think it goes in a different direction.
- Homer: No, this is just the same as Duff, but, like, worse.
- Peter: Hey, come on, now, this is my favorite beer you're talkin' about. Hell, I work for the company. It's my livelihood.
- Moe: [takes the beer] Oh, yeah? Well, your livelihood is based on fraud.
- Peter: I'm whisperin' in court to look smart.
- Quagmire: Do you like sex?
- Lenny: Eh.
- Quagmire: I don't think we're that similar.
- Cleveland: You know why they got us sittin' next to each other.
- Carl: Uh, because we're the two funniest guys in our town?
- Cleveland: Damn right!
- Quahog James Woods: You lived in Springfield?
- Springfield James Woods: Yeah, I worked at the Kwik-E-Mart, researching a role.
- Quahog James Woods: These guys are gonna lose.
- Judge Fred Flintstone: I've heard all I need to hear to make a decision. If ya ask me, neither of these beers is wholly original. They're both pale imitations of my favorite beer, Budrock.
- Peter: Oh ho ho!
- Homer: Ooh!
- Judge Fred Flintstone: But rendering a verdict is something I'm paid to YABBA-DABBA-DOO!
- Peter & Homer: Eh.
- Judge Fred Flintstone: And I find in favor of Duff.
- Lois: Oh no!
- Meg: Oh no!
- Peter: Oh no!
- [nothing happens, then Peter's cell phone rings]
- Peter: Hello.
- Kool-Aid Man: Uh, hey. I'm...I'm in the wrong Springfield.
- [Homer attempts to choke Peter]
- Peter: What the hell? That really hurts!
- Homer: No, it doesn't! I do it to my son all the time!
- Peter: You strangle your son? That's insane! No wonder he’s fat and stupid and masturbates all the time!
- Homer: That’s your son!
- Homer: Hey, knock it off! There's a kid back there!
- Ralph: Heh-heh, I'm in danger.
- Kodos: Perfect, the Earthlings are destroying themselves.
- Roger: Yeah, it's really great, isn't it, guys? [to the camera] We went to summer camp together.
- Peter: It appears that I am now the only one with radioactive powers, which will allow me to unleash my fury... [the radioactivity wears off] Oh, I talked too long.
- [The spaceship jumps over Springfield Gorge]
- Peter: We're gonna make it!
- Homer: Trust me, we're not.
- Peter: Woohoo!
- Homer: Road House!
- [Homer prepares to crush Peter with a rock]
- Homer: Say hi to Maude Flanders.
- [Peter sees the spaceship about to fall and prepares to get out of the way]
- Peter: No, you say hi to Muriel Goldman.
- Homer: Who?
- Peter: I'm sorry we fought. I just wanted to make you laugh and cry. I'm a Family Guy.
- Homer: I understand. I'm a The Simpsons.
- Homer: Let's just agree to stay a half hour away from each other.
- Peter: With a pile of garbage between us.
- Comic Book Guy: Worst. Chicken fight. Ever.
- [A brick gets thrown through the Griffins' house window]
- Peter: Oh, cool, that brick I ordered!
- [another brick gets thrown through]
- Peter: Wait a minute, I didn't order this brick!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// The Simpsons Guy's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 12 | Family Guy Season 13 | Season 14 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | The Simpsons Guy | #07 | Stewie, Chris & Brian's Excellent Adventure | #13 | Dr. C & The Women | ||||||
| #02 | The Book of Joe | #08 | Our Idiot Brian | #14 | #JOLO | ||||||
| #03 | Baking Bad | #09 | This Little Piggy | #15 | Once Bitten | ||||||
| #04 | Brian the Closer | #10 | Quagmire's Mom | #16 | Roasted Guy | ||||||
| #05 | Turkey Guys | #11 | Encyclopedia Griffin | #17 | Fighting Irish | ||||||
| #06 | The 2000-Year-Old Virgin | #12 | Stewie Is Enceinte | #18 | Take My Wife |
| |||||