Peter: Hey if any of you falls down and no one is around to hear you, do you make a sound?
Tree: Of course... Frank fell down last week and he wouldn't stop talking since.
Frank the Tree: Oh stand there and bitch! No one stops and takes the time to HELP MEEEE!

Peter: Look Brian! Theres a message in my Alphabits. It says "oooooooooooo."
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Scoutmaster: Your son is out of the Scouts!
Peter: Jeez, who died and made you President Nixon?

[Before Peter leaves for the vision quest]
Meg: Here's your chance to be alone with dad.
Chris: I'm not attracted to Dad.
Meg: Tell him you don't want to be in Scouts.
Chris: Oh...
[Chris leaves]
Meg: Yipes...

[Chris is watching TV when Peter enters]
Peter Griffin: I gotta surprise for ya, Chris. [He notices the TV] Oh, aw, geez, it'll have to wait. This is the one where the Fonz goes "aaaay!"
Fonzie: [On TV] Aaaaay!
Peter Griffin: [Laughs] Take that, 1950's society!

[Peter and Chris manage to convince the Scout Leader to give Chris a chance to earn a badge]
Mitch: All right! All right! You've got three days to earn a badge.
Peter Griffin: Three days? That's tomorrow!

Stewie:Stupid greedy savages.
Lois: Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say. This one particular tribe has lost their ways but most Native American are a proud, hard-working people who are a true to their spiritual heritage. They are certainly not savages.
Stewie:Well that's funny mother. Just this morning you said they were lazy like the Dirty Mexicans. [chuckles] Just kidding, the Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.
Meg:Yeah, not like those dumb gargantuan Swedes. Actually, the Swedish people run a gammon from short to tall, and did you know that Sweden gave us brilliant inventor Alfred Nobel.
Peter: Yeah. That's more than we got from those free-loading Canadians....Canada sucks.

Peter: Hey Fonzie. You were with a lot of girls..did you ever get a sexual disease?
The Fonz: Herpes twice. And the clap. Ehhhh!

Meg: Nice going, Mom. I finally get my driver's license, and you lose the car to a poker machine? How ironic!
Peter: Hey, don't talk to your mother like that! She is not an i-ron.

Peter: Huh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent. Well, except for that thing your mother does.
Chris: You mean play the piano?
Peter: No, no, she...yeah.

Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE II.

Brian: Does that remote have a setting lower than "Mute"?

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