- [Jerome has broken his leg and is in a wheelchair]
- Cleveland: Whoa, Jerome. What's with the wheelchair?
- Jerome: Well, it was date night with my ladyfriend. Put on some Teddy Pendergrass. One thing led to another. We started making love halfway up the stairs. Then, I lost my footing and tumbles down half a flight. Buh-nikey!
- Quagmire: [appalled] Well! This is hardly dinner conversation!
- Joe: I bet you're gunna discover some cool new things that you couldn't do when you were walking.
- Jerome: Like what?
- Joe: Well, have you yelled at someone for using the handicapped stall yet?
- [A bird steals Cleveland's laptop]
- Cleveland: Bird! Bird! Bird stole my laptop!
- Peter: Joe, did you skip your nap?
- Joe: I DON'T NEED A NAP! YOU NEED A NAP!
- [Peter takes candid pictures of Cleveland]
- Peter: Ah, you're a natural! You're like Gizelle, Beyoncé, and Naomi Campbell all in one! You're Gizonmi! That's it, Gizonmi! Gizonmi, yes! Gizonmi!
- [Quagmire enters]
- Quagmire: Hey, guys. I'm just gunna go ahead and close this, okay?
- [Quagmire closes the garage door]
- Quagmire: Getting me house assessed.
- Meg: [laughs] Oh, yeah. We're having a laugh alright. [pops open her beer] Might say everyone's having a ball, right, Mr. Brown?
- [Meg looks at Cleveland's calendar, where his scrotum is exposed]
- Meg: Damn, Mr. Brown. Larry Bird, oughtta be diving through here any second, cuz that's a loose ball.
- Peter: [chortles] Good job, sweetie. You're doing the work.
- Meg: Aw, thanks, dad. I learned it all by watching YouTube videos of Les Dawson.
- Cleveland: You wanted to see me, sir?
- Postmaster: Cleveland, let me ask you something. Do you have a problem with the carrying capacity of your standard edition S-1104 canvas satchel?
- Cleveland: No, sir.
- Postmaster: I see. Then why do you feel the need to [slams the calendar on the table] CARRY AROUND AN EXTRA SACK!?
- Postmaster: Your little mistake has made a complete mockery of the United States postal service! This is a noble institution that runs on dignity! That's why people trusted us to deliver free COVID tests, several months after it was relevant!
- Joe: Hey, chin up, Cleveland. I know you'll miss being a fireman.
- Cleveland: Mailman.
- Bird: Wow! Is that a third lead guitar!? Let me know in the comments, guys.
- Peter: Why don't you swing by the brewery tomorrow? I'll buy you lunch.
- Cleveland: Did you say an insensitive joke and now need to prove to everybody you have a black friend?
- Preston: Griffin. What the hell is going on? We've got a dozen delivery trucks that are days behind schedule! I've got distributors lighting up my phone like a Christmas phone! I've got a twinkly phone for the holidays. It's incredibly festive.
- Cleveland: Mind if this goose takes a gander?
- Preston: What a beautiful mind.
- Peter: Oh. I didn't see that movie. I only go to Spider-Mans.
- Cleveland: ...but that's Monday's problem.
- Preston: Cleveland, you've proven yourself invaluable to this organization. I'm hereby promoting you to vice executive managing director in charge of lengthy titles.
- [Peter breakroom-banters with a female co-worker]
- Peter: Hey, how come you were only pregnant for four months?
- Preston: [offscreen] Griffin!
- Peter: Sorry, it's my first day!
- Lois: Peter, where's the bottle of wine I told you to bring?
- Peter: Cleveland makes more money than me now, Lois. That means we're sneaking groceries out of this party, not bringing them in. Can you fit ketchup in that purse? We're all out.
- Lois: Dammit, we can't show up to a dinner party without a $14 empty gesture! It's improper! We need to give him something!
- Peter: Fine. [grabs Cleveland's mail out of his box] Here.
- [Peter rings the doorbell and Cleveland answers]
- Peter: We brought these!
- Cleveland: [offended] Oh!
- Peter: What?
- Cleveland: It's...It...It's nothing. I guess I just miss being the one handing out the mail.
- Cleveland: ...then I said, "Ain't that the punchline to an anecdote?"
- Guy: Do you think it's okay, I use the upstairs bathroom?
- [Chris comes in with a hamburger]
- Chris: Hey, dad. How's it going? Have fun at The Browns?
- Peter: I couldn't steal the ketchup. There were eyes on me all night.
- Chris: SON OF A BITCH!
- [Meg comes in with a hotdog]
- Meg: There he is.
- Chris: HE DIDN'T GET THE KETCHUP!
- Meg: DAMMIT!
- Preston: America runs on mediocre.
- [The postmaster sends a letter to Cleveland through the door but it lacks a postage stamp so Cleveland sends it back]
- Postmaster: [offscreen] Just come in!
- Postmaster: Cleveland, we sent your reinstatement forms a week ago.
- Cleveland: I never check my own mail. You know how Pablo Escobar never did cocaine?
- Postmaster: He did a lot of cocaine.
- Cleveland: Oh. Then I fear I've made a turrible mistake.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Unzipped Code's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 20 | Family Guy Season 21 | Season 22 >> | ||||||
| #01 | Oscars Guy | #08 | Get Stewie | #15 | Adoptation | |||
| #02 | Bend or Blockbuster | #09 | Carny Knowledge | #16 | The Bird Reich | |||
| #03 | A Wife-Changing Experience | #10 | The Candidate | #17 | A Bottle Episode | |||
| #04 | The Munchurian Candidate | #11 | Love Story Guy | #18 | Vat Man and Rob 'Em | |||
| #05 | Unzipped Code | #12 | Old West | #19 | From Russia With Love | |||
| #06 | Happy Holo-ween | #13 | Single White Dad | #20 | Adult Education | |||
| #07 | The Stewaway | #14 | White Meg Can't Jump | |||||