Manager: I can assure you, we have a wonderful team of lesbians wearing all black for you to choose from.
Peter: [Upset] No! I want Jerry!
Lois: Come on, Peter, it's just a haircut. Come on, get up. You're embarrassing me.
Peter: [Lying on the floor] I'm not gonna. I hate you.
Lois: Come on, Peter. You're acting worse than the time Chris auditioned for Stanley Kubrick.
Lois: Peter you have to get a haircut.
Peter: Lois, Jerry's dead. So I think I'm just gonna be a long-haired old guy from here on out.
Meg: I'm, like, not mad at his hair. Sorry, but, like, I would.
Brian: You would what? And with who?
Meg: Anything. With anybody. I don't give a horse's tomato.
Peter: [On TV] How would I describe it here? Well, we're just normal long-haired people who happen to share a love of soup and, uh, also vigorous den-floor tongue dunking. Yeah, honestly the soups are a much bigger part of it than I was led to believe. Like, I-I can't stress that enough. I always have to pee wicked during the other thing.
Stewie: There's a framed grandparent photo watching all that activity in the den.
Peter: It's where I make my liquor free from government interference. Here, try a swig.
Brian: [Coughs out moonshine] What's in this?
Peter: I have no idea. I could really use some government interference.
Brian: Uh, it's actually not that bad.
[Police pull up quickly]
Peter: It's the police! Run!
[Brian and Peter scramble into the woods]
Joe: Well, don't worry. I won't get far on foot.
[Brian drunk and alone in the woods decides to watch Alex Jones videos]
Alex Jones: But now let's get back to the real news, my friends. There is a pedohebephile ring at TCBY. It does not stand for "The Country's Best Yogurt," it stands for "Take Children. Boys? Yes!"
Stewie: This is a search for "Hendersons net worth question mark."